Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.

   Just learned the hard way that “Cajun-style” is not a quality you want in a proctology exam.

   Just found the first honest psychic hotline that told me I would soon regret giving them my credit card number.

   Look. If there's a guy wearing a diamond dog collar in his profile pic, he's got a friend request coming from me. Period.

   Picture's of the queen naked...wait! This is'nt Google...OOps!

   Diaper change epiphany: Corn can't possibly have any nutritional value.

   People don't leave bad relationships, but they leave bad partners.

   I Participated in a food drive today..went to Harvey's..umm delicious..!!

   My four keys to a successful marriage are: 1) A garage key. 2) A car key. 3) An office key. 4) And a key to your girlfriend's apartment.

   With the memories that most women claim to have, I'm always surprised to hear them talk about losing their virginity.

   Man Fact: Even if a Man notices that another Man's fly is down, he will Never tell him out of fear of the follow-up question, "Why are you looking there?"....

   I like Bieber's older heavier stuff.

   For a 3 hour breast exam call ...free touchy 1

   I thought I had an STD but the doctor said it was just rust.

   The harder you fall..... the higher you bounce!!

   I may be driving slowly... but I am still ahead of you!!!

   While carving a pumpkin on her front porch swing this morning, my neighbor's smiling 8-year-old daughter looked up at me and mumbled: "On the playground, this is what happens to snitches."

   Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup? Waiter : I wouldn't know sir; I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

   If a man says something in the woods and there is no woman there to hear him.... is he still wrong?!

   Never mess up an apology with an excuse!