Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon If I enter a town and the # on the population sign doesn't immediately increase, I have no choice but to make things right.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 18:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Elderly drivers. Pressing the pedal on the right will make your car go a little faster. Forget all that rubbish about suffocating at speeds above 20 kmh. It was all a myth.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 18:35 by mtravica Comments (0)  


   messageicon I absentmindedly ate a whole jug of dried apricots last night and now I'm applying for maternity leave.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 18:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like grabbing a random kid by the shoulders and screaming Hello "I'm you from the future!"
←Rate | 10-04-2011 18:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing holding me back from actually keeping up with the Kardashians is having to swallow all that semen.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 18:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Loving someone means never killing them even if you hear scratchy, high pitched demon voices telling you "it must be done."
←Rate | 10-04-2011 18:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like grabbing a random kid by the shoulders and screaming "I'm you from the future!"
←Rate | 10-04-2011 18:20 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging from all the Facebooks post,I am coming out with a fragrance that smells like fresh rain!
←Rate | 10-04-2011 18:05 by Rudedog Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I would like to step on the gas and run the slow all take all day to cross the street person over ...!!!!!
←Rate | 10-04-2011 17:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon LIKE if you do this :: *Wrong password.* “OMG SOMEONE HAS HACKED ME! “Oh, it's on caps lock…
←Rate | 10-04-2011 17:43 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Facebook Friends, what's the best gym to pretend that you go to?
←Rate | 10-04-2011 17:42 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon My goldfish is either planking or dead.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 16:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon lots of chicks have big fat titties. the ass is where its at. if you have to ask what "it" is, run along now.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 16:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is my local porn store having a “Back to School” sale?
←Rate | 10-04-2011 16:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 16:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just learned the hard way that “Cajun-style” is not a quality you want in a proctology exam.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 16:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found the first honest psychic hotline that told me I would soon regret giving them my credit card number.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 16:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look. If there's a guy wearing a diamond dog collar in his profile pic, he's got a friend request coming from me. Period.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 15:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Picture's of the queen naked...wait! This is'nt Google...OOps!
←Rate | 10-04-2011 15:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Diaper change epiphany: Corn can't possibly have any nutritional value.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 15:30 Comments (0)  



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