Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Trying really hard to have a good day. There is not nearly enough genital touching going on for that to happen though.

   Just discovered there is a level of sadness where happy songs are way more depressing than sad songs.

   The crap I can say with a perfectly straight face is illegal in 48 states. The other two just haven't met me yet.

   Trying really hard to have a good day. There is not nearly enough genital touching going on for that to happen though.

   All I pray is that when I die the death certificate does not contain the phrases "straining at stool" or "unusual mummification".

   When you weigh under 150 pounds in prison you're literally doing hard time.

   Dallas Morning News reports that Tony Romo is on a liquid diet to prevent choking.

   Guys, clean up your!̸̶͚͖͖̩̻̩̗͍̮̙̈͊͛̈͒̍̐ͣͩ̋ͨ̓̊̌̈̊́̚͝͠ͅ ̷̧̢̛͖̤̟̺̫̗͚̗͖ͪ̏̔̔̒́ͥ̓ͫ̀ͤ̇ͥ͝ ̡̊͛̇ ͫ̉ͦ̊̀̔ͧͮ͆̽ͦͩ͋̌͗̚̚҉̵͖̟͙̮͈̼̹̞͝ͅscreen ;D

   Not everyone who plays with you is on your team.

   I get offended when people assume I think and care about them.Who died and made you money?

   Adults Only!!!! BRA AND BAR... <Both have same letters of the alphabet <Both are drinking zones <Both have restricted times for opening and closing <But when opened,both make men crazy. CHEERS!

   The inventor of Doritos is dead. Somewhere, the inventor of Bugles is playing "Taps."

   I bet you didn't know that women can get b o n e r s...True story... They get them right in their mouth.

   I can't believe that one of Michael Jackson's Doctors is on trial..........and it's not his plastic surgeon!

   i dont have trust issues, I just know people who have lying issues

   to the guy who made the "16-bit dinosaurs" music video, What were you smoking?, How much have you been Smoking? Can I have some?

   The levity of MOM saying just wait to you have kids someday and I hope they ...................................... OMG !!!!!!!!!!

   The epitome of laziness is vacuuming your kitchen floor. Yeah, I've done it.

   They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.

   Whenever I send a picture of my wiener to a woman, I hold it next to baby corn so she thinks I can afford full-size corn....)