Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon A.) Go to Google Maps. B.) Search for 47.110579,9.227568 C.) Find the green arrow. Then click more, then street view. D.) Click up 2x then right 2x..............They are watching us
←Rate | 10-05-2011 19:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Programmed a random destination into my GPS this morning, and just drove all around today making her recalculate my route. I suspect vulgarity soon, or she'll just stop talking to me.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 18:58 by Jerry Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
←Rate | 10-05-2011 18:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet you $567.89 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 18:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got pulled over the other day for weaving. I can't even f*cking sew, let alone weave, especially when I'm that drunk.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 18:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know if you ask a hairstylist for the "Bieber" They'll shave off all your pubes?
←Rate | 10-05-2011 18:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 18:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon child beauty pageants..these mothers are insane..thats my OPINION..!!!!
←Rate | 10-05-2011 17:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you truly understand me, you'll let me be annoying.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 17:11 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just drank 3 cups of coffee with 2 Ambien. Now I am tired of being awake.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 16:44 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, we are allowed to pee in our own showers, just not other people's showers. Check. My neighbor is never looking at me the same, is he?
←Rate | 10-05-2011 16:41 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I already know this is going to be a disaster. I pregret this.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 15:52 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want a job...i just want money.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 15:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon MAN RULE 104: No man should ever whisper in another man's ear.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some women need to walk around with a stripper pole to match their outfit.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you got it bad when you steal WiFi from a church.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 15:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only Fat people follow KFC on twitter.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 15:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon MAN LAW 103: No man should EVER sit on the toilet just to pee.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 14:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say fat people need love too. No they need a DIET!
←Rate | 10-05-2011 14:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Skoal Tobacco Co: Can you please come up with a pouch with a 50/50 mix of tobacco and coffee grounds? Thanks
←Rate | 10-05-2011 14:40 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  



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