Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Its amazing how you know soo much about me and I didn't even know you existed .

   Everyone has that one friend you can't bring anywhere cuz they always embarrass you, If you can't think of anyone, it's you.

   instead of supporting the stop snitching movement, some people need to support the stop doing dumb sh*t to get arrested movement.

   Not all times jokes intended to make you laugh. Some are intended to make you think.

   I'm pretty sure Whoopi Goldberg is Lil Wayne's real mother or long lost sister.

   I'm organizing a bear wash to raise money for my favorite charity "The society for prevention of cruelty to Hobbits". Come to my house and I'll wash any pet bear you have, Grizzly Bear, Polar Bear, Black Bear etc. No Chicago Bears though, far too crazy!

   My ex started complaining about a fly buzzing around the room, but a few swift, heavy handed, well placed smacks solved that problem. The fly on the other hand started to get kind of annoying.....

   the fail moment when you are checking out a girl and he turns around

   how imagine if gilbert godfrey got Fran Drescher pregnant...omg what an annoying voice that kid would have

   known to the state of California to cause cause cancer. Everything causes cancer in California.

   Wow!  That's wasn't a fart... I think I just backfired! 

   If I were a midget I would so score candy on Halloween

   Every since he started "CHECKING IN" on Facebook, Waldo hasn't been that hard to find.

   i hate being single...my hard drive gets foll of adult videos really fast

   87% of the time I'm on facebook, I'm taking a poop!

   "my cramps are killing me", "I'm in total b!tch mode!", "I'm soooo bloated.", I'm seriously sick and tired of hearing about your 'drain cycles', clearly all you ladies are ovary acting. :P

   because of tanning beds 1000 years from now archeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment

   once upon at time a prince asked a princess to marry him. The princess said no and the prince lived happily ever after. The end

   always right and never wrong. The only time I thought I was wrong was when I thought I was wrong but I wasn't - I was right!!

   I wish my parents never named me. That way it would be much easier to be a CIA agent.