Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I beat my girl at dominos the other night. She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings.

   BOY: Hey dad I got a girlfriend DAD: Good job son! GIRL: Hey daddy I got a boyfriend DAD: Where the hell is my gun?

   Let's hope karma is a bigger b!$#h than they ever were.

   In hell, you have to find the start to scotch tape over and over

   The word of the day is..... SupercalifragilisticexpialiDOUCHBAG.

   Mexican Word of the Day: TISSUE. Usage: Hey vato ju doing it wrong, lemmie tissue how to Dougie !

   There is always at least one HATER that dislikes --->SMH

   girls are like math, if there under 13 do them in your head.

   It never ceases to amaze me how people will try to bring you down when you're on your way up. Two words for those soul suckers, fah q!

   I coulda swore I just heard my Rice Krispies say "The f#kk dude? It's dinner time"

   If I ever get arrested.......again..... My one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there......again.

   Either you love bacon or you're wrong

   You have no idea how funny I am to me.

   If I text with "Almost there!" I haven't left yet.

   I'm not the only one that drives to work hoping its a crime scene, am I?

   Hey Facebook.. Your new "From Earlier Today Section" Suuuucks! Its doesn't even go in the correct time! 10mins ago.. 4hrs ago.. 2hrs ago.. 8mins ago...Wtf?!

   Don't you hate it when you tell your kid "9 a clock time for bed" and they say " no it is only 8:58 "!!!

   What has 50 legs and smells like urine? The Conga line at the nursing home's "Annual Harvest Moon Dance".

   Her legs spread so easily...I can't believe its not butter...

   If you can rate this with your tounge you're a great kisser ;)