Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   So, we are allowed to pee in our own showers, just not other people's showers. Check. My neighbor is never looking at me the same, is he?

   I already know this is going to be a disaster. I pregret this.

   I don't want a job...i just want money.

   MAN RULE 104: No man should ever whisper in another man's ear.

   Some women need to walk around with a stripper pole to match their outfit.

   You know you got it bad when you steal WiFi from a church.

   Only Fat people follow KFC on twitter.

   MAN LAW 103: No man should EVER sit on the toilet just to pee.

   They say fat people need love too. No they need a DIET!

   Dear Skoal Tobacco Co: Can you please come up with a pouch with a 50/50 mix of tobacco and coffee grounds? Thanks

   Bluntception: A blunt inside of a blunt, takes 5minutes to roll & over an hour to smoke.

   polar bears are left handed, hi-five them accordingly

   If I had a penny for every time I thought of you.... I'd have a penny.

   I will start watching Big Brother when they let Amanda Knox move in.

   I hope Amanda Knox moves into the Jersey Shore house.

   When I'm getting it on with two or three women, I have to really slow things down so I don't get too excited and accidentally wake up.

   I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it's not.

   Anytime a smart ass cop tells me to have a nice day after he writes me a ticket I respond with "and you try not to get shot today."

   Stop looking at me like that - it's not like you've never tried to play a song from the ATM at the bar before either.

   How is it possible that one of Michael Jackson's doctors is on trial... and it's not his plastic surgeon?