Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I tried to change my password to PE-NIS but the computer said it wasn't long enough

   I got some really nice jewelry for my wife. Best. Trade. Ever!

   I'm not sayin she's the fattest girl I've ever seen but if I had to name the top 5, shed be the first 3..

   Prostate cancer. What color bracelet do I buy to support you?

   I'm worried that if I give up smoking I'll replace it with murdering.

   It doesn't say it on my drivers license but I'm an organ donor.

   im just grading some cheese...

   anyone out there paying attention.... good.... carry on ... if ya happened to wake up at the end of this status go back to sleep .... ... it has little or no ethereal value anyway....

   The best thing about me is... I can be one of the guys an also one of the girls too!

   It's kind of sad that they replaced Mailbox on Blue's Clues with e-mail.

   Sometimes, you have to hear a song twice before you decide you like it.

   There comes a time when you just look at yourself in the mirror, and say"f**k it, this is as good as it's gonna get.".

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you..

   It was better back when you could look under a bottle cap and see you won instantly, rather than this entering a code online thing they have now. I want to look under the cap and see "YOU WON!" instead of ED34GH....

   says 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash – Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let Kevin Bacon die!!!!

   I just heard on the news that terrorists have hidden bombs in hundreds of cans of alphagetti spaghetti. If they go off, they could spell disaster.

   you know your getting old when all the athletes you watch on TV are younger than you

   when alcohol does its taxes it claims me as its dependant

   I know my jeans are too tight when my boxers turn into a banana hammock

   5 reasons why I'm not a pimp. I remember birthdays, I give rides to the airport, I lend money to people, I relax on sundays and I have a horrible backhand..