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I know we are new lovers who hooked up just recently and all but you have to stop calling me at 2 in the morning. Who besides stalkers wants to 'talk' at 2am? 
don't you occasionally go through your friends' list and think to yourself: DANG! I'd hit that....... with a truck!
I'm so ugly the kids gave me candy when they came to my door.
I don't like the way this guy in the mirror is looking at me.
My check engine light has been on since I was born.
if family visits tonight dressed as zombies, I just might start palying "resident evil...the wii version"
watched a bunny hop past me and into bushes and thought "What if I'm supposed to follow it?"
Just shot three vampires and a zombie. You're welcome.
Go ahead, call the cops, lady. I got ten witnesses that'll say your baby kicked me first.
Nipples: Nature's thermometer.
90 percent of the pumpkins in America end up as Jack-o-Lantern's.
If couples who are in love are called "love birds", then couples who always argue should be called "angry birds"
Melissa Etheridge is single, with four kids by two different chicks. Sounds like someone is ready for the NBA.
Here lies Eddie Drake, he stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
I dressed up as MySpace for Halloween. Hey why is everyone ignoring me?
so far I've handed out 23 caramel covered onions on a stick to trick or treaters... life is fun
Best part of Halloween is the day after…clearance candy in the stores and drunken slutty pictures on Facebook.
Happy Halloween. You don't need a costume, your face is scary enough as is.
If you want to visit a real graveyard this Halloween just log back onto MYSPACE.
I don't know understand what the big deal is about those Halloween movies. A plot that centers around the actor that played Austin Powers , Shrek and Wayne Cambpell going around killing people doesn't sound scary to me. 