Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I had my mom get me some condoms once. I told her I used them to keep my cigarettes dry at the beach. She went to the pharmacist and asked for some. Wise guy asked, "What size?" She said, You know, for a camel!"

   Q: why do military men wear uniforms at their weddings??.... A: to be prepared for "The Battle" afterwords...

   I found my girlfriend dead the other day. She just laid there lifeless so I decided to boink her one last time. Then all of a sudden she jumped up and shouted 'BOO!' I swear some people are just sick in the head!

   wants to point out that it's not my fault that I never could learn to accept responsibility.

   confused. Oh wait, maybe not.

   I've reached that time of day on a Friday afternoon when I know I'm not going to get anything worthwhile done so the only solution is to not even bother

   So many people wanting to cuddle because its cold now. Does nobody else cuddle year around?

   I swear these automatic toilets are about as premature as a teenage boy, one little move and they are done.

   I am going to mess with my facebook friends. I am going to use the "check in" feature at the strip club, and then shortly thereafter at the free clinic.

   Major League Baseball received numerous calls from Rangers fans threatening suicide, so they have set up a new suicide help line. The number is 1-800-STL-1029

   If Batman and Catwoman had a kid, it would become either a Batcat, or the less popular Manwoman.

   I'm not shy. I'm just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouh to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment$ directed at you will immediately spew from within me.

   16 and pregnant....white girls get their own show......Black girls go on Maury

   What everyone hates to look out there window and see.... White

   I wish my gps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

   Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home

   My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section

   Sometimes you have to look back to see just how far you HAVE come. Dont dwell on the past. Things and people move into the past for a reason and do not make it into your present and future for a reason. You look back to gain perspective, not to gain doubt

   Saw a baby wearing a bib which read "This dumb ass put my cape on backwards"

   Judge: "Wen did you realised you hv been raped?" Prostitute: "When the cheque bounced"