Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon If dogs wrote memoirs, they'd reveal their psychological problems came from having to wear Halloween costumes as puppies.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 05:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon you can't bring a water bottle on a plane because it could be a bomb... but thats ok, just go put it in that garbage can overthere
←Rate | 10-31-2011 05:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon maybe I need to re-think this ghost costume I'm wearing... I do live in the ghetto afterall
←Rate | 10-31-2011 05:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i went to this halloween party dressed as a leaf blower. another guy came dressed as a leaf. needless to say, it was awkward
←Rate | 10-31-2011 05:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just won 1st prize at the Halloween party for best costume which was male genitalia. I never even entered. I just went to pick up the wife and forgot to take off my bluetooth headset
←Rate | 10-31-2011 05:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i heard a noise last night, so I got up and peered through the gap in the curtains and yep, sure enough, there she was just stepping into the bath.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 04:26 by redman Comments (0)  


   messageicon punched the devil in the face today :D or a kid in a costume, either way that motherfucker learnt not to come to my house asking for lollies :)
←Rate | 10-31-2011 03:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My most meaningful conversations these days are with Siri
←Rate | 10-31-2011 03:11 by Vishal Vakil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last women I hooked up with at the retirement home told me, "If you break it you buy it"! You know what that hip replacement cost me
←Rate | 10-31-2011 01:24 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Farts are so funny...because you dont ever know what they're going to sound like.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 00:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies: Being attractive isn't a free pass to act like a witch.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 00:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I say tomato, you say tomato. hahahahaha I know your laughing right now cuz you totally just read this with two pronunciations... lol
←Rate | 10-30-2011 23:35 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinking of stalking my stalker just to shake things up a bit
←Rate | 10-30-2011 23:33 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I'm going to bed
←Rate | 10-30-2011 23:26 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon That yellow shirt looks good on you... It really brings out the color in your teeth.
←Rate | 10-30-2011 23:23 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are single maybe it's not everyone else, maybe it's you!
←Rate | 10-30-2011 23:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you have to do is stand and say “Hi my name is Tom and I am an alcoholic”.
←Rate | 10-30-2011 22:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon : No I have not gained weight, Your eyes just got fat
←Rate | 10-30-2011 22:19 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon handing out used motor oil, cottage cheese I left for out 3 days, Nick Punto Baseball cards, and Greek Bonds for Halloween tomorrow night. This should be the last year for a while that I have to deal with trick-or-treaters...
←Rate | 10-30-2011 22:08 by Evil Jason Comments (0)  


   messageicon right before I die I'm going to say " I left a million dollars in the.."
←Rate | 10-30-2011 21:54 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  



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