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Someone ask me what I was gonna be for Halloween, I said sober. No one will no its me..
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10-31-2011 06:59
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Love is when you look into someone's heart and find everything you need.
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10-31-2011 06:47
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today is an agorophobic pedophiles wet dream
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10-31-2011 05:36
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Hey Subway, just make everything 5 dollars forever and shut the hell up.
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10-31-2011 05:28 by
flinnie
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If dogs wrote memoirs, they'd reveal their psychological problems came from having to wear Halloween costumes as puppies.
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10-31-2011 05:22 by
flinnie
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you can't bring a water bottle on a plane because it could be a bomb... but thats ok, just go put it in that garbage can overthere
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10-31-2011 05:19
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maybe I need to re-think this ghost costume I'm wearing... I do live in the ghetto afterall
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10-31-2011 05:12
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i went to this halloween party dressed as a leaf blower. another guy came dressed as a leaf. needless to say, it was awkward
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10-31-2011 05:05
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just won 1st prize at the Halloween party for best costume which was male genitalia. I never even entered. I just went to pick up the wife and forgot to take off my bluetooth headset
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10-31-2011 05:02
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i heard a noise last night, so I got up and peered through the gap in the curtains and yep, sure enough, there she was just stepping into the bath.
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10-31-2011 04:26 by
redman
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punched the devil in the face today :D or a kid in a costume, either way that motherfucker learnt not to come to my house asking for lollies :)
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10-31-2011 03:47
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My most meaningful conversations these days are with Siri
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10-31-2011 03:11 by
Vishal Vakil
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Last women I hooked up with at the retirement home told me, "If you break it you buy it"! You know what that hip replacement cost me
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10-31-2011 01:24 by
eaglet1122
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Farts are so funny...because you dont ever know what they're going to sound like.
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10-31-2011 00:19
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Ladies: Being attractive isn't a free pass to act like a witch.
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10-31-2011 00:01
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I say tomato, you say tomato. hahahahaha I know your laughing right now cuz you totally just read this with two pronunciations... lol
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10-30-2011 23:35 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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thinking of stalking my stalker just to shake things up a bit
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10-30-2011 23:33 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I'm going to bed
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10-30-2011 23:26 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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That yellow shirt looks good on you... It really brings out the color in your teeth.
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10-30-2011 23:23 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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If you are single maybe it's not everyone else, maybe it's you!
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10-30-2011 23:07
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