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If a stranger in a bar has never bought you a drink you are probably ugly. 
Wow the liquor store clerk just said he's worried about me. I think it's time for a change. To a less judgmental liquor store.
The reason I don't play Scrabble online, is that I can't throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
While you gamers play Call of Duty, keep in mind those men and woman that have answered the real call to duty. Happy Veterans Day.
Freedom is never free...Happy Veterans Day!!!!
I failed my drivers test, they asked what should I do when I see a red light & I said, check my BBM
So you call yourself an adult but I bet you can't sleep with the closet door open just a little bit because you think someone might be looking at you like the boogieman.
"Police! Open the door!" ... "Will you promise not to get mad?"
if you are down & need a friend, call me...if you need to borrow money, the number you have dialed is no longer in service
rick Perry...texas has a Republicam Governor running for president that seems like an idiot...this sounds familiar lol
Pirate pick up line 101: "I love your eye-patch and how it brings out your other eye."
11/11/11....my calendar is speaking to me in binary
Sometimes when I cut my toenails, I leave them all over the floor just in case ants need to use them as swords when they are at war.
I don't have a drinking problem. I have a stopping problem.
I remember when I was a kid I went on the computer just to use paint. :)
Dear anyone who can finish an eraser, chapstick, and a pencil, without losing it: You're my idol!
Its stupid when someone texts you first and they never reply after you text them back..
Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
Tomorrow is the 1 day that dyslexics will b able to get a date right. :-B
My first childhood memory was of a hummingbird dive bombing my stroller to steal the apple juice out of my sippy cup . 