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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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If you want to lose "friends"....tell the truth.
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10-26-2011 09:40 by
Danmanz
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Some peoples confidence is too close to arrogance to take them seriously
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10-26-2011 09:17
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Admit it, at one time in your life you went a public washroom and didnt wash your hands after because nobody else would see you
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10-26-2011 09:03
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You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. F*cking act like it.
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10-26-2011 08:55
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I shot someone with a starting pistol.I've been charged with race crimes
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10-26-2011 08:45 by
uncle buck
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Don't you just hate it when people think there clever but use the wrong grammar?
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10-26-2011 08:43 by
voltiare
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just been given two weeks to live.The girlfriends gone away for a fortnight.
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10-26-2011 08:42 by
basketcase
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Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day.I nearly choked on my latte.
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10-26-2011 08:39 by
hired help
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I love getting fresh clean underwear out of the dryer....I just wish I knew who they belong to!
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10-26-2011 08:36 by
Suski
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Have you heard about that new film about the tractor? I only saw the trailer
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10-26-2011 08:29 by
zepplin
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was just thinking ... are orphans allowed to watch PG movies?
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10-26-2011 08:28 by
tempis fugit
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If you got a problem face it, don't Facebook it!
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10-26-2011 08:25
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Last week a German satellite fell from the sky, but fortunately they warned everyone ahead of time so France would not surrender.
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10-26-2011 08:13
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My girlfriend insists on buying tuna in water. "It's healthier then the tuna in oil!" Then we get home and she puts a gallon of mayonnaise in it.
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10-26-2011 07:55 by
MTQ
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♫ Good Morning USA, I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day. ♫
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10-26-2011 07:32
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My wife is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and currently looking over my shoulder
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10-26-2011 06:04 by
flinnie
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Futurist, writer, strategist, social media guru, comedian, consultant, entrepreneur, horny. One out of the seven is true about me.
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10-26-2011 05:57 by
flinnie
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I'll never be mature enough to hear the term “natural gas” and not giggle a little.
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10-26-2011 05:57 by
flinnie
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I wonder how many calories a women burns trying to avoid sex?
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10-26-2011 05:56 by
flinnie
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Rose are red, violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.
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10-26-2011 05:19 by
the Atheist
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