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Life can never give security, it can only promise opportunity. So seize that sh*t like a drug raid at Charlie Sheen's house.
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11-14-2011 14:17
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Some people seem to have an issue with the responsibility of being trusted.
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11-14-2011 13:37
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Why do morons think they can disguise their stupidity by acting like smart asses?
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11-14-2011 13:27
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thinking I should write a book about living with A.D.D., because I love home renovation. #squirrelÂ
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11-14-2011 13:12 by
hoosiergatorfan
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Man was sent to Earth to suffer, Woman was sent to Earth to make sure it happens.
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11-14-2011 12:53
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If I had known I would run into this many a-holes in my life, I would have capitalized on it and specialized in proctology!
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11-14-2011 12:50
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MEAN PRANK: Replace Cocoa Puffs cereal with dry dog food.
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11-14-2011 12:38 by
@dj_soltrix
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calories (noun) tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew you clothes a little bit tighter every night!
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11-14-2011 12:16
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Bad relationships are like speed bumps. They force you to slow down and think about where you're headed.
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11-14-2011 11:41 by
theoooooooooooo
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I could never have a threesome because I would just be apologizing twice as much the whole time.
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11-14-2011 10:18 by
Doc Noland
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I've spoken with 3 Kevins today. Think I'm set for the week.
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11-14-2011 10:09 by
SuthernFukr
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A new study found a midday doughnut is good for the part of the brain that fabricates studies to rationalize a midday doughnut.
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11-14-2011 10:09 by
SuthernFukr
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Keep you friends close and your enemies bound and gagged in a basement like Ving Rhames in "Pulp Fiction."
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11-14-2011 10:07 by
SuthernFukr
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Cats probably wouldn't need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn't smoke cigarettes.
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11-14-2011 10:03 by
SuthernFukr
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If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me
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11-14-2011 09:55 by
@shaunpatrick01
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If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
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11-14-2011 09:55 by
SuthernFukr
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I sincerely wish you the best. I just don't want to hear about it.
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11-14-2011 09:54 by
SuthernFukr
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Sometimes pissing with morning wood is harder than solving a Rubik's cube.
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11-14-2011 09:54
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I had to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on a friend who forgot to chew his pride before he swallowed it.
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11-14-2011 09:54 by
SuthernFukr
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There's something unavoidably attractive about you
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11-14-2011 09:51
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