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I've seen 4 people go from "in a relationship" to "single" today...yep, it's definitely no shave November. 
Facebook is going to start making high school reunions really awkward."John! I haven't seen you in ten years! Wow, what have you been up to since that nap you took at 3 o'clock this afternoon?"..
i could of been ur dad but ur mom didnt have change for a dollar
Basketball players took the phrase"grow up" too literally.
If size doesn't matter, how come my ex's vibrator wasn't three inches long and crooked?
Snooki's like a basketball: Orange and passed around by a bunch of sweaty guys.
why does my phone always break right about the time I teach my t9 dictionary all the important cuss words? Duck you Verizon. And econ you to hell.
I'm a keeper. Don't listen to my exes... they be b!tches...
Ladies, Take note of the plot of Sleeping Beauty: My sexual advances on you while you sleep, I'm a keeper... still single
80% of the time, I hate my life... the other 20% of the time i'm unconscious.
Husband says to wife,"My Olympic condoms have arrived, I think I'll wear gold tonight." Wife says ‘Why don't you wear silver and come second for a change?
..read this out loud ," I am we Todd did. I am sofa king we Todd did "
911 gets a call from a blonde saying MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE! the operator says calm down ma'am,how do we get to your house.the blonde says on your big red truck!
What's the difference between a young hooker and an old hooker? The young hooker uses Vaseline and an old hooker uses Poly-Grip.
The opinions of fools are generally foolish opinions
I was absolutely shocked to hear that Kim Kardashian Is getting divorced. In other breaking news.....We landed on the Moon!!!
When a girl calls you by the wrong name, that's just spontaneous role-play, right?
The voices in my head declined my friend request.
*finds out crush isn't at school today* "Damn, I wasted an outfit."
❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ I'm still awesome either way. So who cares?
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