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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I had a bad day: I need a drink I had a good day: I deserve a drink Blah Blah something something: Let's have a drink
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11-02-2011 19:14 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm sitting in my car in the parking lot. I can't go back in the office because I had bacon for lunch and my b0ner hasn't gone down yet.
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11-02-2011 19:12
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Only 64 more cartons and I get my FREE Marlboro casket!
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11-02-2011 19:08 by
Marshall the Great
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If there is one thing I learn from every mistake is I'll never get caught that way again.
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11-02-2011 19:08 by
Marshall the Great
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No matter what's happening there's always part of me that would rather be taking a nap. And drinking.
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11-02-2011 19:05 by
Marshall the Great
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All this learning to share crap when I was a child seems redundant when I'm supposed to have a monogamous relationship as an adult.
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11-02-2011 19:02 by
Marshall the Great
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Whenever I see a grown man on a bicycle, I can't help but think DUI.
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11-02-2011 18:56 by
Marshall the Great
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Why is it when I press 1 for English when calling "Tech Support"... I get someone that doesnt even speak f*ckin english!!!
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11-02-2011 18:55 by
Seanathon
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The more Marilyn Monroe quotes a girls Facebook has, the more likely she'll suck your d!ck for validation.
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11-02-2011 18:53 by
Marshall the Great
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always a groomsmen, never sober
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11-02-2011 18:17 by
Doc Noland
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Had to take a drug test on my lunch break for my life insurance policy, the lady told me that I passed and asked me why I look so angry, I told her that my dealer has some explaining to do now....
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11-02-2011 17:51 by
SEAN
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Some president once said "It's the economy stupid"...But I say "It's the government Dumb@$$"
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11-02-2011 17:17
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Some president once said "It's the economy stupid"...But I say "It's the government Dumb@$$"
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11-02-2011 17:17
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Leftover Chinese food makes a damn fine breakfast.
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11-02-2011 17:14 by
SuthernFukr
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I only got a toilet seat cushion so my face would be comfortable after an intense night of drinking
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11-02-2011 17:14 by
SuthernFukr
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Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police.
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11-02-2011 17:13 by
SuthernFukr
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Thought I'd check in make sure you're all still remembering the Titans.
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11-02-2011 17:12 by
SuthernFukr
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If there's one thing that I've learned it's, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
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11-02-2011 17:12 by
SuthernFukr
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Alex, I'll take WTF for a $1000
45
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11-02-2011 17:04
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The show "19 Kids and Counting" could easily be renamed "People Hoarders".
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11-02-2011 17:00 by
g0re
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