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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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When life gets too stressful, sometimes you need professional help. Hire a prostitute, they're highly-trained at stress release.
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11-07-2011 14:18
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I think the jury will acquit Dr. Murray, but instead blame his plastic surgeons!
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11-07-2011 14:16
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Ka•ra•o•ke noun. Origin: Japan Definition: Tone-deaf drunk with a microphone.
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11-07-2011 14:16
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The Universe will be in cosmic harmony once Michael J. Fox endorses the "Shake Weight", & Chris Brown the "Slap Chop".
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11-07-2011 14:14
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when somebody tells you to go "f*** yourself" use reverse psychology and say "hell no...I'll do it right here thank you very much"
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11-07-2011 14:09
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Rihanna "Fell in love in a hopeless place". Must have been in Greece.
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11-07-2011 14:08
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I have a six figure salary. Unfortunately, all six figures are to the right of the decimal point.
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11-07-2011 14:02 by
SEAN
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Be polite, bow. And while you're down there...
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11-07-2011 14:01
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We all suffer from a stroke at some point in our lives. Whether it be a stroke of bad luck, a blood clot, or a dry handjob.
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11-07-2011 13:58 by
KISSTOPHER
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Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
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11-07-2011 13:56 by
SEAN
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Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand. Sex is best learned by doing.
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11-07-2011 13:56
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With only one plug in this hospital room it's not looking good for Nana's respirator if my phone battery dies and I have another AWESOME face book status update .
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11-07-2011 13:55 by
SEAN
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The less power a man has, the more he likes to use it. That's why bouncers are d!cks.
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11-07-2011 13:52 by
KISSTOPHER
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In life everything has a Yin & a Yang. Without demoralizing Monday mornings, there would be no debaucherous Friday nights.
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11-07-2011 13:50
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Don't feel bad Westerners, somewhere there is a Chinese kid in an American restaurant struggling with a knife & fork.
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11-07-2011 13:47 by
KISSTOPHER
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You can learn a lot about a woman from the top dresser drawer beside her bed....
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11-07-2011 12:43 by
bryan j brown
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Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. ( MONDAY )
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11-07-2011 12:19
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No one is lazier than the people who name convenience stores.
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11-07-2011 12:05
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I'm in shape: Unfortunately it's the wrong one.
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11-07-2011 11:49
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I like my beaver how I like my chicken...free range.
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11-07-2011 10:40
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