Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   SORRY HATER I don't speak bulls**t; but, I do know sign-language now, read my middle finger.

   If you leave out Weight Watchers cookies I will burn your house down. - SANTA

   Don't do upon others what you wouldn't have them do upon you...well unless she ASKS you to put it in there.

   Growing old is a requirement, Growing up is an option..

   We are PERFECTLY, wrong for each other.

   Believe it or not WOMAN has MAN in it. FEMALE has MALE in it. SHE has HE in it. MADAM has ADAM in it, no wonder men always want to be inside a woman.

   A cat falls in a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story...A wet pu$$y makes a c0ck happy..

   off to the voting booth. Bigfoot prepare to get elected.

   eating a sexy ice cream cone.. it's like a normal ice cream cone.. only with me eating it.

   going to take a HOT shower.. it's like a normal shower..only with me in it.

   It's funny how guys are always looking for a Barbie, when most of them aren't Kens themselves.

   What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario there was a DUMBASS who didn't take it out in time.

   bad sex is like bad pizza: you finish it anyways, but wish you would have went somewhere else...

   Studies have shown a daily BJ makes relationships last much longer. It's true, I took a seat and volunteered for these studies.

   You can take that tone of "here comes the shocking part" out of your voice. I've already guessed the ending.

   I fear that if the Mississippi "life begins at conception" bill passes, my army of tissue babies will rise up & take over the world.

   Every time I type "not" it auto-corrects to "Nottingham." I think I accidentally stole Robin Hood's iPad.

   if facebook was a school, I swear i'd have perfect attendance.

   Whatever you are, be a good at it. Even strippers have career goals.

   Serendipity - When an empty glass and a bottle of booze cross paths.