Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I want to rap with Dr. Dre, I want to smoke with Snoop Dogg, and I want to burn a house with Eminem.

   (phone vibrates) *runs across room* *jumps over couch* *fights off ninjas* *grabs phone* "F*CCCCCK!, I thought you were someone else!!"

   I'm not flirting. I'm just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

   Get ready for shower... Do weird stuffs in front of the mirror for like an hour.

   sticking up for random people because you don't like the other person.

   The sick b@stard who put the ‘D' in Wednesday must be the same genius who put the ‘R' in February..

   The sick bastard who put the ‘D' in Wednesday must be the same genius who put the ‘R' in February..

   I wonder why facebook gives you the option of "liking" your own status? Of course I like my own status. I'm f*cking awesome.

   If I ever wake up in a room with a bunch of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game", I'm gonna be pissed!

   Whenever someone asks, "You look familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Well do you watch porn?"

   Good grades, enough sleep, a social life...you can only pick two

   Erasers can be your best friend and be like "Oh hey, you need this erased? No problem, I got you." While other times, they can be like"OH HEY I THINK YOUR PAPER NEEDS A SMUDGE RIGHT HERE, LET ME TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU".

   Cool thing to do: Read the ingredients of something a friend is eating then stop midway and ask something like"What is Ar-se-nic? Did I say it right?".

   *Press a toy in the store* *won't stop making noises *slowly walk away*

   A relationship without trust is like having a phone with no service & what you do with a phone w. no service ? You play games

   Since the commercial, I've always wanted to jump on a Tempur-pedic bed with a glass full of wine.

   BREAKING NEWS: In a surprisingly new Marital Sex Survey, men have reportedly finished the survey much quicker than women ....

   maybe the world not ending, is far worse than it not ending...

   Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl who loved each other then a slut came and ruined everything.

   I beleive we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried................ but they wanted cash !