Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon If zombies ever attack just go to costco, they have concrete walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can't get in without a costco membership card
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:57 by Mc Nutsack Comments (0)  


   messageicon Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:57 by Mel Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone has a 'vodka incident'
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:32 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am the 0.001% that doesn't cheat in relationships.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong…
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dreamt I was forced to eat my way out of a ginger bread house
←Rate | 12-04-2011 11:21 by smeebert Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm having one of those "can't get my inflatable Santa-in-a-helicopter to stick to the roof of my inflatable manger" mornings.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 08:28 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to the SATs - your score today may determine which College Loan you'll be paying well into your 40s. Let's begin.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 08:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just bought a Ken doll. I don't know what everyone's talking about, you can't read books on this thing.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 08:24 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're curious as to how Taylor Swifts songs will change when she can legally drink alcohol
←Rate | 12-04-2011 04:43 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your girlfriend has Taylor Swift lyrics as her status, you know you're either doing something very right, or something very wrong.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 04:38 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Firetrucks and ambulances would be much more effective if they were to replace that annoying siren with the song Move B!tch by Ludacris..
←Rate | 12-04-2011 04:04 by g0re | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing screams, 'Pedophile' like having curtains on your van windows.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 03:45 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon Without coffee and alcohol, we'd all hate each other a whole lot more.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 03:44 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon An important fact about women: They just want to b!tch about their problems. They don't want advice on how to fix them.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 03:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We have all imagined walking away from an explosion in slow motion while putting sunglasses on.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 03:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at the line for the rest of your life.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 02:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know, phones have come a long way since the smoke signal.....
←Rate | 12-04-2011 01:50 by @johncampbelll Comments (0)  


   messageicon Earlier, I recieved a chain mail message that said that if I don't forward it to 50 people within 3 hours of reading it, a little dead girl will appear next to my bed at midnight. I haven't sent the message on to anyone. Looks like I'm getting laid tonigh
←Rate | 12-04-2011 00:41 by g0re Comments (0)  



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