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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I'm finishing off this bottle of wine because you never know when an asteroid is gonna hit and I'd hate to waste the $6.49 I spent on it.
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11-24-2011 03:48
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Edward isn't a vampire, he lives in the forest, he doesn't eat people, and he sparkles..Dat fool is obviously a fairy a$$.
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11-24-2011 03:22
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Your pinky is the your smallest finger but the secrets it holds are huge.
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11-24-2011 03:17
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Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough to let someone know how you feel. That's why you have two hands.
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11-24-2011 03:16
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I don't need a watch to tell me that my time is now or never.
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11-24-2011 03:14
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Research shows that 80% of men don't know how to use condoms. These men are called DADS!
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11-24-2011 01:26 by
@kevyanacafe
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All computers wait at the same speed!
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11-24-2011 01:25 by
@kevyanacafe
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A blond and brunette were walking and the brunette says "look a dead bird" the blond looks up and says "where where?"
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11-24-2011 01:23 by
@kevyanacafe
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a facebookworm
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11-24-2011 01:18 by
Eddy
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That lady from the target commercial scares me.
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11-24-2011 00:25
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“Thanksgiving dinner price highest in 20 years” PLAN: I'm putting together a list of Thanksgiving invites......stop in say hi, hug everyone, grab a plate and go to next house, cheapest Thanksgiving in 20 years!
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11-23-2011 23:42 by
smeebert
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"As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly" - Les Nessman, WKRP Radio
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11-23-2011 23:32 by
ZombieTK
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I think the first time I realized I was dyslexic was when I went to a Toga party dressed as a goat
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11-23-2011 23:24 by
Banjaxed
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It's an awkard situation when you make a milk shake and no one shows up in your yard.
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11-23-2011 23:10 by
g0re
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How to Lose Weight: Turn your head to the left, then to the right. Repeat when offered food.
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11-23-2011 23:06 by
g0re
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It takes 22 muscles to smile and 37 muscles to frown. That means I'm working out harder than you, Mr. F*cking Happy.
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11-23-2011 23:04 by
g0re
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With great power comes a great electricity bill.
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11-23-2011 23:03 by
g0re
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Due to the Global Financial Crisis, Ke$ha will now be known as Ke¢ha.
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11-23-2011 22:56 by
g0re
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They should really make stomach medicines taste better, cause the last thing I want to swallow when I'm sick is something chalky and ass flavored.
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11-23-2011 22:52 by
g0re
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If only the Indians had given the Pilgrims donkey on Thanksgiving. We'd all be getting some ass today.
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11-23-2011 22:50 by
g0re
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