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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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untangling apples headphones in under 30 seconds should qualify you for surgery in most countries
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12-10-2011 23:56
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This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it's better than all the other ones.
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12-10-2011 23:10
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Ladies, if you ever want a guaranteed call from your man, just send him to the grocery store without a shopping list.
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12-10-2011 23:00
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Christmas parties are really just birthday parties for Jesus that he's too cool to show up for
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12-10-2011 22:56
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Tonight's itinerary: watch MMA fight, go to hockey game, drink beer, scratch my balls.
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12-10-2011 22:53
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My new years resolution was going to be to turn over a new leaf, but I'd probably just end up smoking that too.
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12-10-2011 21:54
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Jake from State Farm is one ugly woman!!
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12-10-2011 19:04
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Horse cops would be way cooler if they didn't have people cops riding them. Just horses with a gun and a badge. And a taste for justice.
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12-10-2011 18:36 by
flinnie
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Looking into one of those non attorney spokesman gigs.
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12-10-2011 18:35 by
flinnie
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Big girls take photos from the neck up.
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12-10-2011 18:27 by
fadolo
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I'm going to open a gym on January 1, 2012 and call it "Irony Fitness." It 's only going to be open for two months.
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12-10-2011 15:42 by
Danmanz
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Time lives forever so how can the Mayans predict Time when Time existed long before they even started to make a calender....That's like Snooki saying she'll look hot 103 years from now.
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12-10-2011 15:37 by
Danmanz
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If having the moves like Jagger entails prancing around like an electrocuted chicken then no, I do not have the moves like Jagger
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12-10-2011 15:17 by
Doc Noland
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I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem but it's very deep.
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12-10-2011 13:57
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I hate when women don't have any pictures showing how her butt looks. How else am I going to know if I want to talk to you?
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12-10-2011 12:49 by
@dj_soltrix
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You call it an invitation to your wedding. I call it an invitation to free food and alcohol.
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12-10-2011 12:20 by
Czovczov
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Willie Nelson is 77, so would somebody please warn him that weed's the gateway to heroin before it's too late.
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12-10-2011 12:20 by
SuthernFukr
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Lost a lot of Xmas Manger characters, but 2 Wise Men and a He-Man will do.
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12-10-2011 12:18 by
SuthernFukr
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Rihanna should date Lebron James.. He never beats anyone
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12-10-2011 12:14
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I have seen many men undergo difficult tasks for the slim chance of getting laid.
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12-10-2011 12:12
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