Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Thy shall never lose ones faith, no matter the deficit. Thy messiah shall leadith you to the promise land of the endzone. BookOfTebow 16:32

   "I wasn't that drunk." ... "Dude you destroyed my moms garden while yelling, "F**K farmville!"

   "Celebrating the 10 year anniversary working for this company!" - Best answer to the "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" job interview question. :)

   It's no coincidence that that Tebow's kicker's name is a cross between Prayer & Fate

   Trust in me, and I shall make thine enemies fumble. BookOfTebow 24:6

   The ppl of Galilee spoke of a man who turned water to wine. The ppl of Denver speak of a man who turned water into wins. BookofTebow 10:3

   And the Kicker known as Prater shall carry the messiah into overtime. Book of Tebow 3:15

   Be strong & courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of the defense, for Tebow will tuck and run. Book of Tebow 3:52

   I was stopped 4 speeding! The officer got out of her car, Said to me"'I been waiting 4u all day''.I replied "Got here as fast as I can". she laugh and let me go!

   mix in some vodka and call it a meal

   If your happy and you know it share your meds, if your happy........

   I realize there are better things in this world than beer...but beer makes up for the fact that I don't have any of them.

   nobody is going to give you a $100 gift card just for liking their business on Facebook. If your that dumb you shouldn't be on the internet to start with.

   life is sooooooo much funnier when you have a dirty mind

   no matter how old you are, if a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.

   Just because it was funny last year, does not make it funny this year for you!

   opening a gym called Resolutions in January. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50

   Ever want to say IDK without sounding stupid? Say this: I hesitate to articulate in fear I may deviate upon the highest degree of accuracy.

   If all her furniture is from Rent-A-Center....she's too hood for you bro!

   I like my women the same way I like my hangover, gone by the time I get out of bed.