Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I saved a life today, because I asked a hobbo. what will he do if I gave him $1000, he said he will die of happinnes, so I didnt give him

   the government wants to ban cell phone use in the car...lets all get CB radios

   i just saw several boys gathered in my neighbors yard. Figured its probably related to someones milkshake. or a drug deal... too soon to tell.

   I might not be someone's first choice, but I am a great choice. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but I'm proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect, b

   Just threw away a trash can. That was weird. #binception

   Tomorrow is National Facebook Poke day!! Spread the word...

   I did my good deed for the day. I seen a handicap guy parking in one of our spots and I beat his ass.

   A buddy of mine just told me he's been getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin...I said, "Wow, how can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a mustache."

   The ads on the right-hand side of my screen are for Meth-awareness, 'Get Yourself Tested' & Buy or lease a new Hummer this Christmas...Great so, Facebook has catagorized me as a disease-infested, drug-loving slut that dosen't care about the environment???

   Life is a comedy for those who think, a tragedy for those who feel, and a pie eating contest for me

   Technically, I don't really go to bed. I just give up on the day.

   The more I get to know other people, the less I hate myself.

   Don`t flatter yourself, I sent a friend request not a marriage proposal.

   you know it's cold when chickens are running to KFC to use the deep fryer.

   The ads on the right-hand side of my screen are for Meth awareness, 'Get Yourtself Tested' & buy or lease a Jaguar this Christmas...So, Facebook has catagorized me as a disease-infested, drug-loving sl*t that needs a car & dosn't care for the environment.

   dear santa, I found the shoes I want, text me for my size

   I don't follow basketball all that much but based on all you NBA fans' posts it sounds like Howard Stern is much better then this David Stern fellow...

   A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

   Internet Issues: Open a new tab & forget why.

   A 24 hour weather channel? Why? We had the same thing like that when I was growing up... it was called a window...