Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon During sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: "What are you doing?" Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, its called Buffering
←Rate | 12-27-2011 06:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People have to stop drinking from wells they didn't dig.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 06:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ass and Charmin Ultra Soft is a better love story than Twilight.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 06:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new year's resolution is to make better bad decisions.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 06:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world would be a better place without guns. Then we could focus on important things...like how to kill a man with one punch.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 06:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever find a hot chick's "To Do" list. I'm so adding my name to the bottom.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 06:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gold Digger is another term for "smart hooker"
←Rate | 12-27-2011 06:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once, I wish WebMD would tell me "relax...it's only gas".
←Rate | 12-27-2011 04:38 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are the one who always make plans, remember all the anniversaries, do all the crying and forgiving in a relationship, end it.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 02:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fellas: Make sure you always treat the women in your life with respect and dignity. From your grandmother, mother, sister to your girlfriend or wife, because a woman never forgets how you treat her.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 02:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know I'm a few days early but I'll just go ahead and say it, anybody... I mean.. ANYBODY who says "see you next year" on New Years eve to me is getting punched in the face. FYI
←Rate | 12-27-2011 01:27 by The Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon lol @ "If he pauses his game to text you back, marry him".. We never pause it, we're just waiting to respawn.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 00:28 by Nick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a new refrigerator. There's no food in mine.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 00:15 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Brees created quite the Hurricane in New Orleans tonight
←Rate | 12-26-2011 23:58 by smeebert Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's amazing how quickly a MILF becomes a MILL (Mom I'd Like to Leave)
←Rate | 12-26-2011 23:43 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think most of Adele's songs are about a cheeseburger.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 23:42 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon And thus begins the 11-month unemployment season for handbell choirs.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 23:26 by BENDER Comments (0)  


   messageicon Subway is like prostitution. You pay a stranger to do your wife's job .
←Rate | 12-26-2011 23:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No updates this morning. Cant find anything worth stealing from anywhere...
←Rate | 12-26-2011 23:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You people that are all cleaned up with the tree out of the house need to stop showing off. The rest of us are drowning in cardboard boxes and pine needles.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 22:47 by CJ Comments (0)  



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