Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Phones get thinner and smarter, and people?! We get fatter and stupid.

   Because you quit carrying stuff we would buy. Also See 2a & 2b. Examples: K-Mart & Sears 3.) Some of us cannot afford said basket.

   2a.) It was something people would buy, thus they quit carrying them. 2b.) If you find a clerk, they say, "Ah, were outta them. We have a truck comming in tommorow night, so check back then." 2c.) Can't figure out why we are going out of business.

   I heard an Old Guy exclaim, "This Country is going to H_LL in a Hand Basket !!!" I have to disagree !!! 1.) Can this Country Afford to Purchase a Hand Basket? 2.) If you go to the store they don't have them for sale.

   Before I drink too much..and you get all sh#t faced too and unable to comprehend simple texts or posts... Wishing you. a Sparkling NEW YEAR-

   Everytime I've had to buy a pregnancy test for a woman and it comes up negative Joe Cocker's Feeling Alright plays loudly in my head.

   In Australia, lawsuits are just what lawyers wear to court.

   Feeling self conscious? Just watch me "walk" on stairs! My bad knees makes newborn giraffes look like ballerinas.

   New Years Resolution eat & Drink Healthy..................Weed & Vodka = Greens &Potatoes

   As much as I get poked, you think I'd be FB pregant by now.

   I know my dream woman is out there.. and that her boring friend is the one into me..

   will not be available to post bail on the 31st, due to a previous engagement

   I hate it when I take the time to peek in your window on a winter's night and you don't have the decency to look sexy. Its frickin' cold out here damn it!!

   Admit it. You get a small rush of happiness when your crush likes your Facebook picture or status.

   Winter trees at sunset have the look of a lonely old man realizing there will be no visitors today.

   Luckily for me, my future cancer will go along quite nicely with my current personality.

   With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine

   My skull organ no work so good this day.

   New Years Eve Drinking Game: Everytime someone says "See you next year!" take their beer puncn them and chug said beer.

   2012: get rich or die Mayan!