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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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The next Mission Impossible movie should be two hours of Tom Cruise trying not to jump onto a couch after drinking seven Red Bulls.
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12-16-2011 14:05 by
SuthernFukr
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I like people how I like my coffee... I don't like coffee
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12-16-2011 13:06
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a dyslexic man walks into a bra
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12-16-2011 13:05
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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van.
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12-16-2011 13:04 by
Baddie
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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
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12-16-2011 13:04
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Your Girlfriend's not listening to you? There's a slap for that.
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12-16-2011 12:59 by
Baddie
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I always wonder why atheists don't spend as much questioning satan's existence.
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12-16-2011 12:43
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I am well-armed for the war on Christmas: Ground-to-air mistletoe, check. Pecan clusterbombs, check. Canister of peppermint spray, check.
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12-16-2011 12:26 by
SuthernFukr
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You can always count on mom's to gasp in horror when you're about to hit a car that's 300 yards away.
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12-16-2011 12:25 by
SuthernFukr
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Just drunk enough to compose.. Just sober enough to backspace.
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12-16-2011 12:24 by
SuthernFukr
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Can any Chicago Bears ffans out there hook me up with an eight ball?
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12-16-2011 12:20 by
Frank
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Christopher Hitchens the brilliant journalist, author & famed atheist has died. If he's in Heaven now I bet Jesus is looking pretty smug.
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12-16-2011 12:09
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They discovered bed bugs can procreate with their siblings. This is not the image boost bed bugs needed.
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12-16-2011 12:09 by
SuthernFukr
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If I could live in any time period, it would have to be a mix of the 50s and the 80s and the future. So, Back to the Future Pt 2, basically.
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12-16-2011 12:08 by
SuthernFukr
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Turns out they'll sell a wizard hat to just anybody!
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12-16-2011 12:08 by
SuthernFukr
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Having blue teeth would be cooler than wearing a Bluetooth.
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12-16-2011 12:07 by
SuthernFukr
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You can catch more flies with honey. Or you can eat that honey and not have to deal with expensive fly upkeep.
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12-16-2011 12:07 by
SuthernFukr
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Just because i'm losing.. doesn't mean i'm lost.
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12-16-2011 12:07
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wishes Santa would stop allowing bullying at the North Pole. Stop allowing the laughing at others and name calling.
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12-16-2011 12:07
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My homeboy's got girl problems, so I'm at some dive bar offering bro-side assistance. That's code for whisky shots.
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12-16-2011 11:54 by
SuthernFukr
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