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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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White parents say, "Good morning, time for school" ...Black parents say, Getcha azz up, don't miss that bus
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12-16-2011 19:06 by
fadolo
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Are you soft Kitty or smelly cat?
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12-16-2011 18:52 by
flipphonescott
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The Anti-Christ came to my Christmas party and turned all the wine into water. Hate that guy.
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12-16-2011 18:11 by
SuthernFukr
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Considering that not one of those Three Wise Men bothered to bring a crib or diapers for Baby Jesus, they should simply be known as 3 Dudes.
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12-16-2011 18:10 by
SuthernFukr
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I've come to the realization that LL Cool J's momma is a real trouble maker
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12-16-2011 17:50 by
flinnie
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Won a $50 gift card to Chili's at Christmas raffle. In other news, decided my secret santa is getting a $14.37 gift card to Chili's for Christmas.
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12-16-2011 17:47 by
flinnie
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Dear inventor of the spork: I am fully prepared to have my mind blown again, whenever you're ready.
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12-16-2011 17:45 by
flinnie
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I thought you had a moment of holiday cheer come over you. It was gas, you are disgusting.
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12-16-2011 17:44 by
flinnie
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It ain't over until Adele sings.
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12-16-2011 17:39 by
Aaron
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Sometimes I take the bus instead of drive because there aren't usually 11 hot Mexican chicks in my car.
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12-16-2011 17:04 by
SuthernFukr
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Frankincense: an aromatic resin used since ancient times in religious rites. Do not confuse with Frankincense's Monster, an affront to God.
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12-16-2011 17:02 by
SuthernFukr
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New drinking game: Watch the Republican debates. Every time someone says "Ronald Reagan", take a shot. You will get HAMMERED.
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12-16-2011 16:44
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I Remember one christmas when I woke up to see my mom helping santa with his zipper.. jolly old santa.
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12-16-2011 16:35
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"My fingers smell like cheeseburger" is a statement that is bound to confuse others unless prefaced with a statement about having just eaten a cheeseburger. Otherwise, they just look at you like you're dirty.
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12-16-2011 16:34 by
eaglet1122
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Ugghhh ! I literaly just saw a chicken cross the road in front of my car,,, and FORGOT to stop and ask him why......... (Stupid,stupid,stupid,me)
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12-16-2011 15:49 by
snotty
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Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, look at phone, check Facebook…
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12-16-2011 15:05 by
BEGO
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Your breath smells so bad, I don't know whether to give you a tic tac or toilet paper…
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12-16-2011 15:03 by
BEGO
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Never trust a woman who takes pictures from the neck up.
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12-16-2011 14:26 by
@dj_soltrix
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V@gina jokes are not funny at all. Period.
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12-16-2011 14:20 by
Doc Noland
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On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday.
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12-16-2011 14:07 by
SuthernFukr
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