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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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You can tell a lot about a girl by her hands. For instance, if theyre placed around your throat shes probably a violent person.
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12-19-2011 14:04 by
flinnie
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Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I'm getting tired of running and he's catching up to me
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12-19-2011 14:01 by
flinnie
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I'm wearing “thongs” right now, but it's not what you think. I have some flip-flops in my butt.
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12-19-2011 13:59 by
flinnie
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It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it takes no muscles to be completely expressionless all the time.
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12-19-2011 13:55 by
flinnie
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If you use the word "Humorous" when you could say "Funny," you're just outing yourself as a douchebag.
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12-19-2011 13:51 by
flinnie
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.it's almost time for my OBGYN appointment and I haven't even bought a doctor's coat or faked my credentials yet.
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12-19-2011 13:48 by
flinnie
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There's always a ho or a rumour that ruins every relationship
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12-19-2011 13:34
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In my books, The Higher the Heels.. The Higher her Standards.
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12-19-2011 13:30
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Nothing brings 2 people together faster than the hatred of a 3rd person
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12-19-2011 13:30
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You can't be rocking the same pair of jeans for 3 straight days and claim you got SAWG.
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12-19-2011 13:28 by
Reuben
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hopes that all of you are practicing your "Oh my God, I LOVE it!" face? We're getting closer...
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12-19-2011 13:23 by
hoosiergatorfan
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It's up to you to find the beauty in the ugliest day.
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12-19-2011 13:11 by
Czovczov
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Ghetto Word of the Day: HARASSMENT. Usage: “My wife caught me sleeping with another woman and I said don't worry honey, harassment nothing to me.”
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12-19-2011 13:03
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still grounded for being awesome
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12-19-2011 13:01
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I don't play "Hard To Get" , I play "It's Never Going To Happen"
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12-19-2011 12:59 by
Czovczov
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I'm too sexy for my ex.
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12-19-2011 12:54 by
KISSTOPHER
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I didn't even know Kim Jung was Il.
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12-19-2011 12:32
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Last year I asked Santa to bring me the sexiest person alive for Christmas and I woke up in a box. I guess I should have been more specific.
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12-19-2011 12:31 by
SuthernFukr
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How is it that people who think they know everything never know when to STFU?
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12-19-2011 12:30 by
SuthernFukr
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Grocery stores need a "1 case of beer" check out line.
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12-19-2011 12:29 by
SuthernFukr
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