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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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What if I am retarded, but my parents paid everyone to play along so I could be happy...
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01-14-2012 00:55
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A lot of women are too busy being a good man to attract one.
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01-14-2012 00:40 by
TRobbins/jitney
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#<( '-'< ) I was going to give you this waffle, ( >'-' )># but then I was like, ( >'#'< ) I'm hungry ( >'-'< ) so I ate it."
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01-14-2012 00:05 by
fadolo
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I'm a passionate man. I like some things and love others. Example: I like coming and I love leaving.
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01-14-2012 00:03 by
fadolo
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Fact: you can't wake someone who has Parkinson up by shaking him.
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01-13-2012 23:58
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can't make it rain cause, my coupons might drown me! xD
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01-13-2012 21:23 by
@yungrekay91
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Anti-obesity ads featuring fat kids are causing controversy in Georgia. Unfortunately, none of them are forced to to the "truffle shuffle."
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01-13-2012 20:58 by
Doc Noland
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"We found lunch in a homeless place" - Rihanna in a soup kitchen
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01-13-2012 20:56 by
Doc Noland
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I was gonna update my status, but then I got high.
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01-13-2012 20:47 by
@yungrekay91
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If you ever hire me to work for you, don't pay me money, pay me with 12 cases of beer. That's where all the money is going anyway!
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01-13-2012 20:43 by
@yungrekay91
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What concert ticket costs 0.45 cents? .... 50 cent Feat. Nickleback....
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01-13-2012 20:09 by
NJS
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men always notice it's cold when their nipples become larger than their balls
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01-13-2012 19:21
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go out tonight and sow your wild oats, then wake up tomorrow and pray like hell for crop failure.
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01-13-2012 17:48
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Happy Beer the 13th
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01-13-2012 17:46 by
Steve OH
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4000 women in Scotland may have breast implants with silicone intended for mattresses. Imagine. Boobs with memory foam and sleep numbers.
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01-13-2012 17:29 by
SEAN
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I like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes.
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01-13-2012 17:27 by
SEAN
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"Dude she has a bf" " Yeah so? Soccer has a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score"
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01-13-2012 16:52
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wondering if I'll still be able to get funny updates for my facebook on Jan.18th once the SOPA bill takes effect. Wait, will I even have a Facebook??!?
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01-13-2012 16:16
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Why do people complain about how broke/poor they are sitting at the bar drinking beer and smoking cigarettes?
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01-13-2012 16:13 by
ff1241
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The only thing more stressful than a blind date is meeting a new drug dealer for the first time.
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01-13-2012 16:10 by
fadolo
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