Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

   I know it's the 100th year anniversary of Titanic and all that but aren't the Italians going a bit far with their tribute?

   Trying to understand quantum physics, because trying to understand women is just too damn hard.

   I hate to admit it, but I've got a serious drinking problem. I don't have any more money to buy liquor.

   I hate when my foot falls asleep and I have to kick someone in the face to wake it up.

   I hate when I'm singing a song and a co-worker thinks they can join in and sing with me. D!ckhead, this is not Glee!

   I'm starting to think that when people tell me "I can't believe you have a child!" they aren't referring to my youthful appearance.

   How I Sext: HER: :-P ME: 8===D HER: :-O ME: 8===D~~~ HER: :-) ME: ZZZZzzzzz

   making a Sexual Bucket List: 50 Things to Do Sexually Before You Die

   Sometimes.... when I cut onions.... I cry...for no reason... I cry... What the f**k is this vegetable trying to tell me ???

   I see your lips moving, but I just hear blah blah blah

   Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” I said, “I am.”!!!

   You can play mario for the pc, or playstation but it wont be the same if you dont have a NES controller in your hand

   Yesterday my fat girlfriend gave herself a landing strip. Today she got hit by a plane.

   Nothing in life is “fun for the whole family.”

   On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me????

   I don't think I've ever heard a car alarm go off for a legit reason..

   EGSG «—- Scrambled eggs

   I hate when I'm eating cereal and the last 5 pieces are like "Try n' catch me bro!"

   Any man that believes women are "the weaker sex" has never tried to reclaim his half of the blankets on a cold winter's night.