Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy, and it's fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.

   I wonder how long I'd be on hold if my call wasn't important to them..

   I'd be 100 % more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.

   I have a life outside Facebook...but I have forgotten the password for it.

   'One Direction's Zayn Malik vows to ditch the fags' - I didn't know he was planning on starting a solo career.

   I wonder what Rebecca Black thinks of Samoa skipping out on Friday?.......

   So this book said to be a lesbian I need to lick carpet. For the last hour I have been laying on my floor licking my carpet and I feel no different.

   It's so nice having my family around for the holidays. It really makes me appreciate their absence the rest of the year.

   I Can Only Play The Hand [♠][♥][♦][♣] That GOD Has Delt Me -

   that money can't buy you happiness, but it sure can buy you beers to drink in the shower.

   To all my friends with short attention spans,

   glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by both men as well as women.

   playing a fun drinking game. Every time somebody says "you can't drink alcohol in the office" I have to down a shot.

   Did anyone ever tell those kids how to get to sesame street?

   admits that the Nazis were terrible, but look on the bright side: At least we got some awesome Indiana Jones movies out of it.

   undefeated at BattleShip. Mostly because I stack my ships on top of one another.

   I have 99 donuts because a bitch ate one

   Out with the Old, in with the New.......not you Honey.....I meant the year.....had enough of 2011......:)

   Girls need to start looking for guys who have goals, ambitions, and an education because 10 years from now "swag" isn't going to pay the bills.

   I remember the days when all my "good stuff" fit in a Sucrets box.