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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I can have hundreds and hundreds of friends on facebook, but that won't stop me from saying "WTF!?" when that number goes down by one...
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01-17-2012 20:26
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I love it when people see me reach for something on the floor and keep missing it like a moron. I quickly tell them I'm working on my aerobics exercises....
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01-17-2012 20:21
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Apparently "Because I'm smoking hot" is not the CORRECT answer to "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
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01-17-2012 18:50
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Even when it's not the best of days, you can always tell yourself, hey, at least I'm not the guy who sank a $570 million ship.
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01-17-2012 18:44
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..... He floats like a burrerfly and stings like a bee ..... I wish a Happy 70th ... to Muhammad Ali
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01-17-2012 17:29
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I just save a ton of money on my 2013 car insurance by converting to Mayan
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01-17-2012 17:24
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When someone says they're not on Facebook, I look at them like an efn 8-track tape :)
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01-17-2012 16:38 by
D Wright
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A woman bragging to a man about her college degree is like a man bragging about slam dunking on a woman.
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01-17-2012 16:37 by
Danmanz
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My mate just texted me saying, "I wanna read a book. what wud you recommend?" "The Oxford English Dictionary" I replied.
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01-17-2012 16:12 by
@clarkysj
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I'm sorry, but any man who says his Wedding Day is the happiest day of his life has obviously never scored an over-head kick on FIFA 12.
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01-17-2012 16:10 by
@clarkysj
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Christmas tree sales are way down from last month...Come on people,christmas tree salesman gotta eat too!
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01-17-2012 15:58 by
JOHN
| Tags: Filtered
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People sometimes say that 'motivation doesn't last', But neither does Bathing... That's why we recommend it daily.
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01-17-2012 15:52 by
@CarbonZilla
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in A & E after swallowing Lego. They don't seen worried but I'm sh1tting bricks
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01-17-2012 15:32
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Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee....today is my birthday and I am 70!!
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01-17-2012 14:42 by
urboyblue
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Obama to visit Disney World on Thursday. I was there last week and a Cast Member told me villains didn't make appearances much anymore!
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01-17-2012 14:21
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Like you've never tried using the Force to reach the remote.
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01-17-2012 14:12 by
fadolo
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People who go to the liquor store and buy a pint of whiskey are poor planners… what are you going to drink tomorrow?
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01-17-2012 14:12 by
Kisstopher
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Some people can rely on their personality for birth control.
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01-17-2012 14:10 by
Baddie
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The three magic words EVERY woman loves to hear, “You were right.”
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01-17-2012 14:06 by
Czovczov
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Er, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little bit faster or buy a damn belt.
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01-17-2012 13:56 by
Czovczov
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