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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I know my dream woman is out there.. and that her boring friend is the one into me..
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12-30-2011 18:57 by
@BoyGotJokes
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will not be available to post bail on the 31st, due to a previous engagement
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12-30-2011 17:59 by
@tuxxer
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I hate it when I take the time to peek in your window on a winter's night and you don't have the decency to look sexy. Its frickin' cold out here damn it!!
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12-30-2011 17:55
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Admit it. You get a small rush of happiness when your crush likes your Facebook picture or status.
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12-30-2011 17:42 by
Sylvia
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Winter trees at sunset have the look of a lonely old man realizing there will be no visitors today.
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12-30-2011 17:29 by
Doc Noland
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Luckily for me, my future cancer will go along quite nicely with my current personality.
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12-30-2011 17:28 by
Doc Noland
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With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine
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12-30-2011 17:22
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My skull organ no work so good this day.
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12-30-2011 17:21 by
Doc Noland
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New Years Eve Drinking Game: Everytime someone says "See you next year!" take their beer puncn them and chug said beer.
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12-30-2011 16:36
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2012: get rich or die Mayan!
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12-30-2011 14:44 by
L
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Fellas: Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Watch, enjoy and thank me later.
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12-30-2011 14:35
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just enjoying a nice hot bath with candles and a glass of wine and then the neighbors came home. I have never seen them so mad.
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12-30-2011 14:32
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It's Hard for me to catch feelings, and Easy for me to lose them.
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12-30-2011 14:20
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If you're flirting with a women and she asks "Are you coming onto me?" whisper in her ear "I never pull out."
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12-30-2011 14:11
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Shakespeare once said: "It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography."
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12-30-2011 13:49
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"When life gives you eggs, turn them into omelets!" is probably a terrible slogan for an abortion clinic.
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12-30-2011 12:57 by
fadolo
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When someone is watching you brush your teeth, you brush for longer than you normally do alone
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12-30-2011 12:36
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The decoys on 'To Catch A Predator' must have a hard time getting dates.
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12-30-2011 12:18 by
fadolo
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See what happens when you push me, ________________________ I draw the line.
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12-30-2011 12:15
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That moment when you lose your black friend in the dark.
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12-30-2011 12:02
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