Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The vast, vast majority of people on the planet recognize what a piece of human garbage he is. When are you going to wake up?

   I moved the clock up an hour before I went to bed last night and when I got up this morning it was still 1943

   Saw a UPS guy come out of the forest with a package. Guess a bear does ship in the woods.

   I wonder how many years it's been since she's let him see her naked

   I just read a list called "100 Things to do Before You Die". I was really surprised that "Yell for Help" wasn't one of them.

   It's okay I can say ,f@gg0t I fck them

   Guilty pleasure ...I absolutely am addicted to the show Pop the balloon or fund I mean find love .

   I had the right to remain silent, I just didn't have the ability.

   He’s been marinating in honey for years. Don’t tell me a rack of Winnie the Pooh ribs wouldn’t be tasty.

   Please don't ride with me if you're going to grab the dash or scream every time we run off the road. It makes me nervous.

   I never realized how funny I was until I started talking to myself.

   Life hack: Rent the same type of car that you own and switch the tires. Best $39.95 I ever spent.

   If you don't like Led Zeppelin, you're some kind of asshole.

   Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a superpower.

   4 days sober! Not in a row just total in 2025

   If I got paid by the number of idiots I have to deal with at work, I could retire next Tuesday.

   Fun fact..The pool on the Titanic still has water in it.

   Fun fact... The pool on the Titanic still has water in it.

   If you think a bunch of billionaires woke up one morning and decided to have your best interest at heart? You're a special ***ing kind stupid.

   Where I come from, we drive ourselves to court for driving without a license.