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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” I said, “I am.”!!!
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01-18-2012 00:26 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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You can play mario for the pc, or playstation but it wont be the same if you dont have a NES controller in your hand
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01-18-2012 00:24 by
Moyer
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Yesterday my fat girlfriend gave herself a landing strip. Today she got hit by a plane.
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01-18-2012 00:02
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Nothing in life is “fun for the whole family.”
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01-17-2012 23:50 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me????
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01-17-2012 23:39 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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I don't think I've ever heard a car alarm go off for a legit reason..
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01-17-2012 23:32 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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EGSG «—- Scrambled eggs
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01-17-2012 23:31 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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I hate when I'm eating cereal and the last 5 pieces are like "Try n' catch me bro!"
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01-17-2012 22:55 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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Any man that believes women are "the weaker sex" has never tried to reclaim his half of the blankets on a cold winter's night.
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01-17-2012 22:29
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Heat Fans on Fire....... "Sorry, what you said honey? You screwing my neighbor....oh ok, I'll talk to you after the game!"
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01-17-2012 22:01 by
Jitney
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My buddy who is obsessed with lesbians said, "You can't beat two lesbians doing scissors." I said, "You can if you've rock."
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01-17-2012 22:00
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I just got done cleaning out my pond for the winter and I found pebbles stuck in the filter. Fred and Wilma are going to be devistated. :(
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01-17-2012 21:47
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Obama to visit Disney World on Thursday. I guess they are planning on expanding and hiring more people or he just wants another vacation
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01-17-2012 20:28 by
Oregon
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I can have hundreds and hundreds of friends on facebook, but that won't stop me from saying "WTF!?" when that number goes down by one...
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01-17-2012 20:26
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I love it when people see me reach for something on the floor and keep missing it like a moron. I quickly tell them I'm working on my aerobics exercises....
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01-17-2012 20:21
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Apparently "Because I'm smoking hot" is not the CORRECT answer to "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
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01-17-2012 18:50
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Even when it's not the best of days, you can always tell yourself, hey, at least I'm not the guy who sank a $570 million ship.
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01-17-2012 18:44
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..... He floats like a burrerfly and stings like a bee ..... I wish a Happy 70th ... to Muhammad Ali
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01-17-2012 17:29
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I just save a ton of money on my 2013 car insurance by converting to Mayan
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01-17-2012 17:24
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When someone says they're not on Facebook, I look at them like an efn 8-track tape :)
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01-17-2012 16:38 by
D Wright
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