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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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A girl just flirted with me at a coffee shop. Told her to call me when she's 18 (pounds heavier; I like 'em thick)
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01-19-2012 10:42 by
SuthernFukr
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False praise helps no one. That's why I tell children exactly how terrible their drawings are. It's called Managing Expectations.
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01-19-2012 10:41 by
SuthernFukr
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Gonna hit the showers. You can do whatever you want with that information.
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01-19-2012 10:39 by
SuthernFukr
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I don't got much to do today, I suppose I should do something productive. I'll probably go on ahead and pre-cook this 13lbs of bacon in my fridge. You know... In case of emergency
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01-19-2012 10:39 by
sKoop
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My girlfriend has been looking for a tampon that fits her properly for years. She's finally given up and thrown in the towel
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01-19-2012 09:32 by
stalk_me
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An Itailan officer doing a u-turn and running !!!......who would have thought ?!!!
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01-19-2012 08:10
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My neighbor is sleeping off his hangover on my front lawn again. I think he needs another drink.
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01-19-2012 07:50 by
mtravica
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Going where the cool people are... Outside!!
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01-19-2012 07:23
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Fact: the domestic Cat remains the only species that's trained humans to clean up poop in exchange for conditional love.
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01-19-2012 07:13 by
flinnie
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Why isn't "talk like Samuel L. Jackson day" a thing yet?
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01-19-2012 07:10 by
flinnie
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Sign my online petition to stop online petitions.
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01-19-2012 07:09 by
flinnie
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I can just imagine a conversation between Mike Jones and an owl...
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01-19-2012 06:44 by
g0re
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Some of you women need to stop using shovels to apply makeup.
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01-19-2012 06:27
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3am text message "Hey are you asleep?" No I'm scuba diving, what the hell do you want?
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01-19-2012 06:19 by
g0re
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"You actually have friends?" ... "Yeah, all 10 seasons on DVD!"
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01-19-2012 06:15 by
g0re
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Time to photoshop my life Touch up the edges, adjust the tones,blur out the background, focus on me, and crop people out...
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01-19-2012 06:12 by
g0re
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You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither
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01-19-2012 04:49 by
stalk_me
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it true that in prison sometimes a man will try to kiss another gentleman even if he doesn't want to kiss him back?
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01-19-2012 03:28
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According to SOPA you can get five years for downloading a Michael Jackson song illegally, that's a year more than the doctor who killed him.
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01-19-2012 03:12
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Why is congress trying to get involved with PIPA, shes not even from the US
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01-19-2012 02:41
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