Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Can you smoke stem cells?

   I think you women are on to something...shoe shopping does make you feel better!!

   Almost time for the "Teleprompters State of the union speech".

   I lost my watch.. cant remember when!...

   its goin to be drizzy outside.......so expect a lil wayne

   No I didn't want a receipt but now that you've asked me I'm suspicious, so yes, I will have that receipt now please.

   Can't believe it's the Chinese New Year. I'm still writing Rabbit on all of my checks.

   I find it difficult to believe Newt Gingrich could be an effective president. He couldn't even manage to catch those dag old Duke boys.

   Congrats to Jay Cutler, soon to be Dad... Just goes to show that he cant get protection on or off the field.

   Bathroom mirrors are either the luckiest or the unluckiest objects in the house

   你有時間嗎？..Sorry, No Hablo Espanol.. .

   The national debt is now the same as the U.S. economy. Obama really did balance the budget.

   The difference between Humans and Chimpanzees is about 600 genes. The difference between mormon and moron is one letter.

   behind every successful man is a woman that didn't marry me.

   According to never-before published medical research, 97.8% of all relationships end while one or more partners is suffering from PMS. The other 2.2% is g@y men breaking up.

   Follow your dreams............ Unless you're a killer.

   More than 90 percent of all relationships end while the girl is on her period

   Reporting on your own superheroic activity while in your secret identity as a reporter is an ethics violation, MR. KENT.

   We never had an on-and-off relationship before getting married. Ours was more of an in-and-out-and-in-out thing. People should try that!

   IDEA: Mood cars. Vehicle color changes based on drivers behavior. Turns red; they're angry. White; they're sick. Pink: they're pregnant.