Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hate texting people who don't use smileys. I feel like I'm texting an emotionless robot!!!

   If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I just hope they split us up by the music genre.

   Girls Theory “Listen Half, Understand Quarter, Think Zero & React DOUBLE”

   hates people who take drugs....customs for example

   I feel sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotized 7 guys then dropped the mic on his left foot and yelled, "F*ck me." What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.

   Just figured a way people with no healthcare insurance but do have car insurance can enjoy the same benefits .... Whenever your sick....just crash your bike ...car or truck into a tree

   pineapples....some of yall will get it

   Girls: just remember each morning when you put on makeup- somewhere in the world a clown is starting his day doing exactly the same thing.

   I love when my friends lock their keys in their car... And then call me like I can do something about it.. Just because I'm black doenst mean I know how to break into cars!

   Yesterday I changed the name of my WiFi to 'Hack if you can'. Today it was called 'Challenge Accepted'

   I hate it when people call me as I'm about to use my phone and I accidentally answer it.

   People who post pics of themselves after they have had sex need to be shot.

   That uneasy moment when you get tested and only one of you is positive.

   Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you'd like to put in on Monday.

   Mothers can either make the Best wing-men or the Worst c0ck-blockers

   Apparently this Victoria's Secret catalog isn't scratch-n-sniff.

   íts funnч hσw whєn ím σn thє phσnє í wαndєr tσ plαcєs ín mч hσusє í nєvєr gσ.

   THE ARTISTS may have the most Academy Awards Nominations, but at my house I have been nominated for BEST FATHER and BEST HUSBAND not forgetting BEST MASTER by my dog.

   I know this chick that can do more tricks on a six inch d*ck than a monkey on a mile of grapevine.

   I don't have health insurance, but I do have car insurance. So whenever I get sick I just go crash my car into a tree.