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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Did you know, That if you yell "bloody Mary" 3 times in front of ur mirror at 3AM ur mom will show up & tell you to shut up and go to bed?
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02-03-2012 05:32 by
Tsparks
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It's bullsh!t that 1-800-PET-MEDS won't deliver medicinal marijuana to my dog.
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02-03-2012 04:19 by
hihuggiehi
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you know....I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader"....but I can buy booze!....so Booyah B!itches!!
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02-03-2012 01:49 by
Slickpony
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so....my uncle came out of the closet yesterday....Oh, he's not gay....he just has Alzheimer's and thought it was his car....
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02-03-2012 01:47 by
Slickpony
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"Hi" "Hi" "Did you eat?" "Did you eat?" "Are you copying me?" "Are you copying me?" "I love you!" "Yeah, I ate already.."
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02-03-2012 01:11 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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Hey Mom! I have good news!" "You got a 100% on your math test?!" "I said I have good news, not a miracle"
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02-03-2012 00:40 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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My girlfriend said she needed some time alone to herself, so I set her up a Myspace account.
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02-03-2012 00:34 by
Danmanz
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Remember Emo Phillips, not to be confused with emu..stringy long hair over fugly face? ueah, I think he started the whole look
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02-02-2012 23:05
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You only think I'm engaged in ur pathetic life story, om really wondering if monkey nipp!es get hard when theyre cold
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02-02-2012 23:01 by
Tazor
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I fractured my @ss today doing a cannonball into the bathtub today...
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02-02-2012 23:00 by
david
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Why do they have a beauty section at Walmart?
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02-02-2012 22:55
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I go to the club and get guys trashed so I can take their girlfriends home.
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02-02-2012 22:37
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made a "One Night Stand Kit" to give women who I have slept with ,, which includes a prepaid cellphone, toothbrush, and enough money for cab fare.
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02-02-2012 22:35
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""When people cut you down. Or talk behind your back. remember they took time out of their pathetic lives, To think about you.""
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02-02-2012 22:21 by
BEGO
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Shouldn't you have to pass a urine test to collect a welfare check, since I have to pass one to earn it for you?
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02-02-2012 22:18 by
BEGO
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You can do nice things for people all the time & they never notice.But once you make one mistake, its never forgotten.
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02-02-2012 22:16 by
BEGO
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Yay Ground hogs day is on TV. Yay ground hogs day is on TV.
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02-02-2012 21:54 by
Zinc
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It's bullshit that 1-800-PET-MEDS won't deliver medicinal marijuana to my dog.
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02-02-2012 21:38 by
hihuggiehi
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I bet the people that are posting all the funny new Super Bowl Ads days before the game are the same people that post info about a new movie they just saw. Thus spoiling it for the rest of us.
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02-02-2012 21:36
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I lose interest in books and movies that take place in the past because, hello, I know I turn out just fine.
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02-02-2012 21:23 by
TS
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