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I'm surprised by the violence in Syria. I really thought the World Peace sign at the end of Madonna's halftime show would work. 
Today I am bewitched, bothered, and bewildered. Also not wearing pants.
Idea: A Roomba type of device that putters around the house and then shoots a deadly laser at anyone who says "bro" a lot.
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I'm home alone and my power goes out.
I may look calm but in my head I've killed you 3 times
Girls, don't waste money tattooing your legs. They eventually become available for free. They're called varicose veins.
I'm not calling her a sl*t. I'm simply stating that if her vag had a password it would've been password.
it me or does C-lo Green look like a twacked out beetle?
Great! Now my: foods to eat, places to visit, crafts to make list just got a whole lot longer. Thanks a lot Pinterest!
Dear Giselle, you made your point that the wide receivers couldn't catch the ball. Please keep in mind that not everyone can catch a set of balls while lying on their back.
If Crunch Berries aren't considered fresh fruit I don't think this diet is going to work out.
Bad: Waking up and finding a pen!s drawn on your face. Worse: Finding out it was traced. EVEN Worse: You were drinking alone !!
It should be illegal to be outgoing before 10am.
The best way to win an argument is to use logic.
People who say, “I am a lover NOT a fighter” are full of bullsh!t. If you love something, you WILL fight for it.
A tip for you joggers out there: To run faster, make sure there is an attractive person in front of you at all times OR a creepy guy behind you.
How to be a gangster: Step1- Buy XXL shirts and pants. Step2- Put them on. Step3- Waddle like a penguin.
Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons, but I think they forgot to mention Morons.
I bet if Tom Brady wore his UGGS Boots last night he probably would have played a lot better!
I find it distressing that some folks' universe doesn't radiate beyond the highest hair on their heads.
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