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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Its 2012 and yous are arguing about pen1s sizes? Now mine on the other hand...
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02-09-2012 13:54
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There is no snooze button on a dog that wants to go out for a piss.
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02-09-2012 13:53
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It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can let yourself back.
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02-09-2012 13:47
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Why yes, yes I can do a pelvic exam, Miss. Here, step into the back of my van.
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02-09-2012 13:42
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Instead of "hazard lights" they should be called "sorry for parking like a d!ck, just pickin up some weed, be right back" lights.
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02-09-2012 13:40
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Facebook's been down for 15 minutes and I'm freaking out because I don't know if anyone's having babies, eating food, or sad about work.
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02-09-2012 13:36 by
Nobody
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"OH NO, A PYTHON! Whew just my nose. OH NO COBRA! Nope still my nose. OH NO RATTLESNAKE! Sh!t, nose. God I can't live like this." - Elephant
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02-09-2012 13:33
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If you have to do more then 3 takes when taking a picture of yourself, it's not the angle or the lighting. It's you. You're ugly.
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02-09-2012 13:32
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Read today doing something for 10,000 hours makes you an expert...which makes me an expert in something very, very bad.
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02-09-2012 13:28
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"No, I'm not talking about Twitter. I literally want you to follow me." - Jesus
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02-09-2012 13:27
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Kodak recently filed for bankruptcy after 130 years in business.. I'd like to see the company just reorganize, but we'll see how it goes as the story develops.
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02-09-2012 12:58 by
snott
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Category: Used&Abused for $1200 Alex....Alex Tribec: Another victim of using recycled jokes.. Contestant: Who is CindyAnn?
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02-09-2012 12:41
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Do you ever stop and think about the days before Facebook, when you would do something and actually not tell anyone?
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02-09-2012 12:31 by
CindyAnn
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The only yoga stretch I've perfected is the yawn.
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02-09-2012 12:17 by
CindyAnn
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We can only hope that things turn around before there's time to learn any lessons.
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02-09-2012 11:10
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How dare you steal my status and not like it first! Stop.............(runs after) thief!!!
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02-09-2012 11:00 by
CindyAnn
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In my dream, I was just about to have sex with Meagan Fox, but my alarm went off. You can say I got clock blocked.
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02-09-2012 10:12 by
Nobody
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I'm so terrible at Chess. The only way I'll ever get to say "Checkmate" is if I eat at a restaurant in Australia.
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02-09-2012 10:11 by
Czovczov
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There's a Justin Bieber toothbrush that vibrates. Yeah, I'm pretty sure groupies won't be using it for their teeth.
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02-09-2012 10:03
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My math teacher accused me of cheating, I can't help that my english teacher is hotter.
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02-09-2012 09:58
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