Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Michael jackson died 1day before the BET AWARDS....Amy Whinehouse died 1day before the VMA'S and whitney houston died 1day before the GRAMMYs...so are we Expected to expect more pre award and post award deaths?!

   Roses are red. Rotting flesh is green. When the dead start to rise, I want you on my team!!!!

   I think I owe my right hand a Valentines Day card!

   Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2!

   greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!

   Just had my Valentine's day card off Moonpig... She hates it when I call her that.

   That uneasy momen when your one night stand thinks otherwise and is anticipating you to change your relationship status.

   sending cards to random people today saying "I'm going to f*** you so bad"...They're not going to know if I'm horny of mafia type!

   got a call from Cupid asking me where I'd like him to fire his arrow on my date tonight! I said nowhere as I can't afford her to deflate!

   and on a positive note today is Taco Tuesday!!

   I think I owe my vibrator a Valentines Day card.

   flagging your girlfriend offside when she leaves the kitchen. a typical valentines day procedure.

   My Valentine is just like my pinkie toe; eventually I'm gonna bang it on all the furniture in this house...

   To everybody that is single don't worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner

   I really spoiled her today. First I bought her a lovely new scent. Then I rubbed essential oils into her beautiful body and then I did the vacuuming and dusting. I f** love my BMW!

   Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm using my hand, But I'm thinking of you.

   I overheard my girlfriend on the phone to her bff saying she wants to get engaged on Valentine's Day. I hope she finds someone nice.

   Guy gets wife roses. She says "I guess this means you want me on my back w my legs in the air?" He says, "Why, we don't have a Vase?

   Save money! Plastic christmas tree...plastic valentine roses.

   Roses are Red,Violets are blue, My knobs in your mouth, best you don't chew