Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The story of “how I met your father” is shorter than “how I met your mother.

   Johnny Bravo would be so perfect for Jersey shore.

   If I had an Australian Accent I would never shut up

   Welcome to Chris Brown FM, playing hit after hit.

   teasing mall cops by running out of every store at top speed. starting to enjoy the frisking...

   Women are an enigma, wrapped in a conundrum, tied to a riddle that baffles the mind of men. - William Shakespear

   To be loved is to be fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction. Thanks haters.

   i was thinkin about adoption to fill the void in my life, if only I could find someone willing to adopt me..

   I found the vodka… it was hiding in the orange juice!

   Okay, let's get this straight. There's no way EVERYONE has the best boyfriend in the world.

   Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, Life is short, so PARTY we must

   Too late to hunt buffalo, too early to fight robots, what a d!ckless generation I was born into.

   Due to the ever changing musical landscape, we may never know who rocked the party that rocked your body.

   Can you smell that? That's fresh-brewed coffee mixed with Friday...delicious!

   Sometimes, I drive by the schoolyard and scream "STOP WASTING YOUR TIME!" to white kids playing basketball.

   If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. #fail

   had a run in with a pit bull, once they get a hold they jus wont let go until you're just a quivering and screaming like a girl.....the dog was fine, it was the owner who ripped me to shreds defending the breed.

   The way I see it, EVERY Friday is Good Friday.

   I may be Schizophrenic.......but at least I have each other.

   You're a true 90's kid if you've ever heard someone say "Get off the phone, I have to use the Internet."