Funny Status Messages

   The Weeknd should change his name to Monday Morning 'cause that's how bad he s_cks.

   sellin 2nd chances $100 hmu lmk.

   For the first time in my life, I did not welcome The Weekend.

   This alphabet soup that I spilled on the floor is still more coherent than most Biden speeches.

   And this morning a container ship will depart for some third world country, loaded with Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl LV Champions gear. Enjoy your Chiefs gear, Kenya...

   Did I miss the Superbowl again? Darn that's like 20 years in a row.

   Not sure if I just watched the Superbowl or a three hour commercial?

   Dr fauci just announced we all have to wear jock straps now to stop the spread of covid

   SB halftime show: Forget honesty, forget creativity, forget originality. In these days and times, the only thing these "fans" want is formulaic pablum served on a steamy silver platter of ad nauseam.

   Wonder how many wife's the guy who giving marriage tips has gone through?

   There’s an alternate universe some place where Hoobastank is the halftime show.

   Everybody enjoy the Social Justice hour before kickoff?

   Aliens probably ride past Earth and lock their doors.

   Today, I feel sorry for the poor saps who decided to boycott the NFL, four years ago, just because of stupidity.

   The GOP has now turned into the GQP, and this is why I'm out!

   Super Bowl parties are great! (If you aren't into football.) I'm into football, so no thanks.

   Marriage tip #5: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex-girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she is not the only woman on the docket, and that you're a really good catch!

   Marriage tip #4: Whenever you do something good for your wife, make sure to let her know. For example: "Hey honey, I put all the laundry by the laundry machine. That way you can wash the clothes after you get done with dinner."

   Marriage tip #3: When you have to run some errands and your wife doesn't want to go with you, just grab yourself some Dunkin Donuts, don't get her any. When she asks why you didn't grab her anything, just say, "If you truly loved me, you would have gone w

   I know I won't be out socializing for the Super Bowl. But not because I'm afraid of catching the Coronavirus, I just don't like sports.