Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I got 98,998 problems, and rounding up numbers is one of them. 
If you ask me, NASCAR would be much more entertaining if the drivers had had as much to drink as the fans.
I disagree. Revenge is a dish best served so hot that it will burn your gizzards out.
Oh, you're not fat. You're just easier to see.
First time I ever saw a dry-erase board I said "that's remarkable."
My whole world just disappeared. :( Is anyone else's notification icon missing???
"Does my ass look big in this?" asked my wife as she twirled in front of the mirror...........Who knows where she got the sumo suit from.
"We should mate" "WHAT!?" "I said date, we should date sometime, ya know just the 2 of us.
Pockets are an awesome way to scratch your balls while in public!
A good neighbor is one that does not put a password on their wifi.
"For the love of honey!" - Grizzly bear
Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition..
When I was born I was so surprised, I didnt talk for a year and a half..
Awkward: Your cell phone going off full volume at a funeral. Even more awkward: Your ringtone being, "I Will Survive"
I must have an amazing butt because every time I finish talking to someone & turn around to walk away, I hear them whisper, "What an Ass!"
This cute guy I met just texted that he wants to "hang out" tonight, but he lives in the Valley & I made him up.
've always wondered why W is called Double U, when it's clearly Double V...
Just for the sake of argument, let's say I'm right about everything.
Mirror - "Ooh you look cute today!" Camara - "Lol, no."
You cannot taste me until you undress me. Sincerely , Banana 