Funny Status Messages

   Make good memories today, so that you can have a good past.

   wanna come back to my place & watch some p0rn on my 60" flat screen mirror?

   ''Magic Mike''.......if I hear this one more time I hitting someone with an ''Open Mike!!!''

   Katie Holmes issues statement after confirming reports that she and Tom Cruise are to divorce - "I'm so happy I could jump up and down on the couch!

   Katie must be out of her 5 yr lease contract with Tom Cruise finally

   Magic Mike? - on my way to see Magic Gina at the gentleman's club.

   Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes getting a divorce...Now it's Katies turn to jump up and down on Oprah's couch.

   just excited I can start wearing heels again. - Katie Holmes

   Mission Impossible 5: Marriage

   so excited I'm jumping up and down on a couch now. - Katie Holmes

   Why do camels have v@ginas on their feet anyway?

   now the jumping on Oprah's couch professing my love for Katie is even embarrassing to me. - Tom Cruise

   I'm not the smartest guy, I don't have a perfect body, and this started out as a status update but is now my suicide note.

   I miss having a girlfriend. I get so tired of listening to whatever music I want, on road trips to wherever I want to go, with zero guilt.

   How to make your girl feel special: 1) Write down how you feel about your drink or drug of choice. 2) Put her name on it & give it to her.

   Whenever my Girlfriend says she's going to "hit the sack" I instinctively cover my balls just in case.

   Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat.

   I wonder if Tom Cruise is jumpin on the couch again since he's getting a divorce.

   I dont have a problem sharing my funny stuff with ya'll here as you c0py & paste to your Facebooks, its the damn Twitter crew I can't stand with their self righteousness and egos.

   "Magic Mike"? They should call it what it really is. "Magic Johnson".