Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
what do you do with 365 used condoms, melt them down and call it a goodyear... 
likes to pretend he is in a parade when he is stuck in traffic.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn't fix your face.
Economists are predicting that "black Friday" sales figures will pale in comparison to "the Mayans were wrong Saturday " sales figures...
I just met a nerdy spider. He`s a web designer.
My pet butterfly just got a tattoo of my lower back.
My main plan for success is that all the better people quit first.
It's not officially the holiday season until I've ignored a Salvation Army Santa.
Kate Middleton's fetus is already richer than I'll ever be. :(
With the "end of the world" coming in 11 days I feel confident making a prediction.......September 2013 will have one of the highest birth rates on record.
I'd rather watch a candle melt than play a game on Facebook
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Manny Pacquiao should audition to play the Dead Body on The First 48..
Dear Santa, I plead the fifth! No wait... I drank it!!
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
If I wanted to see American Horror Story I would just stalk the Kardashians
Football announcers saying "penetration" repeatedly is my 50 Shades of Grey.
Can't wait until they make odorless whiskey so I don't have to be embarrassed when I open my Gatorade at AA meetings.
The transition from woman to cougar happens when you go from Marlboro Lights to Virginia Slims. 