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It’s insulting that 1-800-proflowers think we men can be guilted into ordering flowers for our…gotta go, only 1 caller ahead!! 
My dad gets to Bing by searching for it with Google!................... ( That is ALL you need to know )
Soccer: 90 minutes of no strategy, no intrigue, and no scoring.
not single; is just waiting for his girlfriend to quit playing hide and seek.
Keep calm and reject all Chefville invites
I'd kill for a microwave that plays Europe's “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
its hard to get stoked about a soccer game that's 3 hours long and ends 1-1...
this girl I'm seeing on the side must think I'm a weatherman 'cause she keeps asking if the coast is clear...
Been watching these 2 black guys shake hands for the past 28 minutes.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
PSY will be having a concert in the Philippines... WTF!! is he gonna sing Gangnam Style for 2 hours???
PSY does the gangnam style dance so much...don't you think he should've lost some weight by now?
The only footsteps I would follow are those of a landmine deactivation technician...
Monsters Inc 2 is coming out in 2013 move out of the way kids, I've been waiting 10 f-king years for this.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
Finished your 40 minutes on the treadmill, 30 on the elliptical, 20 minute cardio? Yeah? Now go read a book, dumbbell.
Life Fact #37: it's impossible to have a bad day when you're wearing 'Hello Kitty' underpants ツ
What if the power had gone out during some of those corporate sponsored college bowls: Little Caesars Bowl: "No difference...still horrible pizza."
believing Monday will be great is half the bottle...
always place women on high pedestals, it helps you look up their skirts better. 