Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I think I got a textually transmitted disease from unprotected Facebook poking! 
I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.. Please don't buy it!!
Spider-Man : Can I be in the Avengers now? ... Captain America : Ummmm, sure... Spider-Man : What can I do?... Iron Man : You OK with Web-design?...
Jiggling fat is a little more fun when you imagine a dubstep noise coming out of it.
I like to refer to it as a "Magic Carpet Ride" when I sit on HIS bearded face and HE works that tongue like Harry Potter wielding a wand.
Keith Emerson is dead from an apparent suicide. I guess he wasn't such a Lucky Man after all.
Can't wait for Game of Thrones. During this election it'll be refreshing to watch people competing for a crown in a more civilized way.
Has Fox News blamed Obama for Nancy Reagan's death yet?
Sorry I fed your baby trash, I thought it was a raccoon
Mariah Sharapova living proof that Russians love to cheat.
I wonder if my cat thinks I'm cleaning my ice cream?
Actually mom, I'm not writing tweets about handjobs anymore I'm into fisting now. Happy?
I love Ellen. I'm gonna marry her idk how but I'm gonna make it happen.
( last meal on death row ) "Parmigian cheese?" . . . *I nod. . . "Say when". . . * I wink at camera. . .
*calls up Domino's. . . WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVENLY? . . YOU'RE TEARING MY FAMILY APART !
This is your captain speaking,,, Please fasten your seat belts,,, The Boeing 737 in the gate beside us looks like it wants to race.
The Dog Whisperer has been whispering death threats into my dog's ear
Robert Kardashian was OJ Simpson's lawyer....thus began the family tradition of getting black men off.
After I have sex with a cucumber my walk of shame is to the kitchen to rinse it off and put it back in the fridge.
Let's play the unicorn game where I rub your magical horn until you shower me with glitter. 