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I'm almost positive that just before I get to Wallys some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping 
If ignorance is bliss then there's a crap load of people in paradise....
New study finds that everyone you disagree with is are stupid.
I wish there were no women football announcers. Isn't there a badminton channel they can get a gig with?
My Bank called because they noticed "Highly Suspicious Activity" on my debit card. It was for a Gym Membership.
Sir it would appear that you have sugar poisoning.... "You mean Diabetes?".. Ooh look at me, I'm a patient that knows all the diseases, ooh
If at first you don't succeed, parachuting isn't for you
Will Seth Meyers continue to be on television now that the Clinton 2016 team is dissolving?
Due to political correctness, "rapists" will now be called "unapproved lovers."
How can you say you like Maroon-5 ??.... Did you even try Maroons' 1 through 4 ??
They've never overturned the initial electoral vote. It's never been changed. Never. Like Michael Moore's underwear.
12 years of school, 4 years of college; so now I can type "c you @ 2" #reallife
#marriage Girls are never wrong. Until they are. Then they cry and are, somehow, not wrong again.
Congratulations to Marijuana for winning more states than Hillary .
The election in a nutshell: We let the p*ssies play pin the tail on the donkey for a while, then shut the party down.
Congrats to Alec Baldwin on securing a steady gig for the next 4 yrs.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
My doctor said he's been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
I haven't seen Democrats this pissed since they were forced to free their slaves.
Wait, the Goo Goo Dolls and Gin Blossoms aren't the same group?? 