Funny Status Messages

   While driving saw a woman smoking in her Prius...obviously she doesn't see the irony!

   blocked you from my news feed. I don't care how many mobsters you've iced, that you found a pink sheep on your farm, or that you've redecorated your virtual apartment.

   I like to pretend I'm a judge on "So You Think You Can Dance" when I'm at the strip club.

   What appears to be the end may really be a new beginning

   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

   Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.

   Complain: To explain your pain for no gain.

   Of course I'm out of my mind. It's dark and scary in there.

   "Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you."

   Facebook has revealed that there are many, many people just like me and now I know why the world is screwed.

   Does a midget using an iphone look like a regular person using an ipad?

   ...wondering why the police never send out any "feline units"...

   ...is about as useful today as an appendix transplant...

   twying to twalk wiff twenty wemon dwops in my mouff

   the monoply guy and the pringles guy look exactly the same have you noticed that?

   Use OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans?

   wondering why people say HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT like I am the piolet or something.

   567.. 568.. 569.. Can't talk until I finish my pushups 570.. 571..

   'Kidnapping' is such a strong word. I prefer to think of it as 'surprise adoption

   I might not have all the best things in life, but I always make the best of the things I do have.