Funny Status Messages

   I married my wife for her looks.But not the ones she's been giving me lately!

   Living the dream........if the dream was about doing laundry.

   Here is a great way to manage people; look for the good in them and then tell them about it.

   Getting older sucks, I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks, but now its more like a bounced check.

   I'm a lesbian and i'm ok. A butch all night and a femme all day.

   the reason you're afraid of the dark...

   sneezing + taking a leak + Morning wood= one big mess

   Imagine how huge those Japanese Facebook albums must be...

   I don't know why the FCC is always complaining about sex on tv. A little sex on tv never hurt anyone.....unless you fall off.

   I don't see why people are so against gay marriage. I don't have a problem with it. Their main argument is that gay marriage would tear the social fabric. Do you think gays would do anything to harm fabric?

   there is so many fun things to do at home that alot of people don't really think about doing but would if they were told about it.. Sitting in Hot tub and playing wii at the same time is one of them."

   I like the Summertime. But What I like the most is Women, Video Games, Pizza and Beer. So if I get all of those at the same time, then I've pretty much found my Center in the Sun."

   ‎- My missus was so sick this morning........That I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast....

   The old believe everything, the middle- aged suspect everything, the young know everything

   a friend will calm you down when you're angry, but a best friend will skip beside you with a baseball bat singing "someone's gonna get it!"

   Sarah Palin was paid 75,000 dollars for a speech at a California university last week. That works out to be about 25,000 dollars per coherent sentence.

   I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes - "open bar"

   I bet you're one of those people who take speed limit signs seriously.

   Why be so serious ? It's not like we're going to get out of it alive. so livin up fu(kers. an make it a great day for someone

   Utlimate compliment for a woman: I'm not drunk, and you are still cute!